More Than Words Chapter 14
Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No money is being made from the writing of this story. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Beta’d by the wonderful Sparagus.
I shook away the memory of this morning, and concentrated instead on making Bella an omelet. I could hear her in the bathroom, playing in the sink like she so often does when she is upset. I wish I knew what was bothering her, outside of the obvious issues that arose last night.
Was she having second thoughts about the change? Could that have brought on such a dream?
I wished for the second time, in less than twenty-four hours, that Alice could break through her mind fog, and see what would occur with Bella. Whatever Bella’s future held, I hoped it never remotely resembled the thoughts that plagued her sleep last night, whatever those thoughts were.
A few minutes had passed, and I figured that I had let the water run long enough. I cranked the faucet off angrily, almost hurting my hand in the process, and stared at my disheveled reflection for a moment longer. I had large, dark circles under my eyes from crying last night, and overall, I looked drained. Frustrated, I sighed loudly and abruptly looked away from the mirror.
How do I even try to make sense of that dream?
The scents of food began to waft in under the bathroom door, and they distracted me from my thoughts. My stomach growled in anticipation. With one more deep breath, I exited the room and headed out to the kitchen.
Edward was just placing a large omelet on a plate when I entered. He smiled at me warmly, placing my plate on the kitchen island, before pulling out the high-backed stool for me.
I nodded and inhaled the smells coming from my plate. He had made me a huge helping of home fries, as well, and I almost moaned as the taste hit my tongue.
“You had me worried…both this morning and last night. Bella, we need to talk about it. I would hate for you to be afraid of me now.”
He had walked away as he spoke but came back carrying a mug of steaming coffee. He offered it to me with a crooked smile.
“Thank you,” I responded, my mouth still full, and sipped a bit from the cup.
“I never meant to hurt you. Love, I…I wanted to bite you…I feel horrible about that. I’m so sorry.”
I looked at him, thoughtfully. I felt guilty that he thought the problems we experienced with our lovemaking were all based upon his performance, but the issues were, in reality, all me. Truth be told, I didn’t quite know what to make of my reaction, myself. He hadn’t done anything to actually hurt me; it was as if my body was too tight, and was trying to expel him. I pondered that a moment before I responded.
“It’s alright, Edward. It really wasn’t your fault.”
I smiled at him, hoping he would let this conversation drop for now.
“We’ll wait until you change me, okay?”
Then I’ll hopefully forget what has happened, and we can move forward…
He looked at me, slight confusion masking his face for a moment, before he nodded back at me.
“What about the dream-“
“Edward,” I cut him off, not wanting to go down that road until I made sense of it myself.
He huffed, “Fine. What would you like to do today?”
He looked at me expectantly. I hadn’t really thought much about what to do to pass the time until he changed me.
“Umm, could we explore a little outside? I don’t get to see you outside in the sun too often.”
He smiled and nodded. His eyes were full of the possibilities of what he could show me.
After I had finished my meal, we headed out for the day. We started with a swim in a small lagoon toward the back of the island, before he led me, shockingly, up the face of a slight cliff. Once we had ascended the rock, I looked out over the ocean. The sky was clear, and if I squinted a little, I could just make out the shape of what must be land far off in the distance.
“Edward, this is beautiful.”
“Yes,” he stated, but his eyes didn’t leave my face.
I blushed, despite myself. He was dazzling me.
Maybe I could make this work, after all.
Bella and I spent the week and a half following our wedding night exploring the island. There were a variety of things I could show her and plenty we could do. She seemed in overall good spirits, but I could tell that something was troubling her, just under the surface.
She was distracted and prone to bouts of irritability that were very uncharacteristic of her, but she was always happy to curl up with me at night. We would sit on the sofa and watch old films for hours on end.
She seemed to especially like ‘Intolerance,’ from 1916, the first and last film I had ever seen as a human. She was not overly impressed with ‘Metropolis,’ despite it being one of the most well known of the early films.
We would have our own running commentary, discussing everything that she found interesting, from Welles use of symbolism in ‘Citizen Kane,’ to the unbelievable bloodletting scene in ‘The Passion of Joan Of Arc.’ Bella was shocked to find out that the actress had actually cut herself, as special effects were not yet widely used or even available.
We continued on like this nightly. Most nights she would fall asleep, her head resting on my chest. I would carry her to the bedroom and hold her until morning. I was thankful that she was so forgiving and could excuse my less than gentlemanly actions.
Bella was truly an enigma to me.
Back in Forks
The first few days after Bella and Edward had left on their honeymoon were the hardest for me. Thankfully, the emotions in the house had calmed down to a more comfortable nature than the weeks preceding the wedding. In fact, the only negativity in the home recently was, unfortunately, radiating from me.
I tried to occupy my time, distracting myself with reading and a few good, bloody hunts, but I couldn’t get Bella’s face off of my mind. It was as if a piece of myself had been ripped out of my chest.
Perhaps making the family believe that I was having issues maintaining our diet was a bad idea. Now every time I left the house, I had a chaperon. Hunting with Emmett was always fun, but lately I just wanted to be alone. Esme had even accompanied me once or twice. She was so caring and helpful with her words of advice for sticking to the Cullen diet, that I began to feel exceedingly guilty for deceiving her, as well as the rest of the family.
Alice was starting to watch me much more closely, as well. I know she sensed a shift in my attentions as of late, and her ability to only see the future, not the past, was obviously troubling to her.
She had tried several times to seduce me, with everything from a weekend trip to a beautiful chalet in Mount Sunapee, New Hampshire, down to some of the kinkiest lingerie I have ever seen her in. It was Alice’s body in that little, black getup, sure, but I only saw Bella’s face.
It was after one such attempt on her part that my world began to spiral out of control. After close to an hour of Alice’s unsuccessful attempts at arousing me through fellatio, I gently pushed her back, shaking my head.
“Please stop that, sweetheart. It’s not gonna work. Not tonight,” I tried to smile lightly at her, but it only came off as a grimace.
She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, and frowned at me, trying to see the outcome of our conversation. Alice stood, and whipped around, grabbing her robe from the edge of the bed, before wrapping it around herself tightly.
“I’m sorry, Alice. I just…can’t. It’s not you, honey. It’s-“
“Don’t you love me anymore, Jazz?” she cut me off, and venomous tears began to well up in her eyes.
The pain she felt while saying those words brought me to my knees. I couldn’t stand back up, as hard as I tried, so I crawled the few feet between us and grasped her calves in my hands gently.
“Alice, please. Listen to me.”
She brushed my hands away and stepped back, sadness and heartache flowed off of her in waves. I managed to crouch onto my knees and cocked my head at my tiny wife.
“I do, Alice. I do love you. It’s just-“
“Who is she?” she demanded.
I knelt, both shocked and relieved.
Alice’s pain was quickly being consumed by an all-encompassing anger. It appeared as a haze around her, the air rippling like heat above a candle. I hadn’t seen anger like that since my time in the Southern Wars.
My instincts went on high alert and I sent out some calming vibes, but Alice was a brick wall. I looked up into her eyes and sighed. I felt her anger quicken, and her eyes darkened. She let out a low hiss.
“Please don’t, Alice.”
Alice then grasped me under my arms and thrust me into the wall next to our bed. The beams shook.
My first instinct was not to defend myself. I did not believe I could ever hurt Alice, even if she tore me to pieces. I wasn’t raised to lift a hand to a lady, and I wouldn’t start now, no matter how angry she may be. Whatever she did tonight, I deserved, but I wouldn’t tell her it was Bella. I couldn’t do that, not to either of them.
“Please, Alice. It doesn’t matter. It will never happen again, I swear.”
“So, you admit it? You…cheated on me? Why, Jazz? How could you?”
She released me, and I let myself slip down to the floor. I gazed back up at her, the woman I had spent decades with. My mouth opened to reply, but she cut me off before any words escaped.
“Don’t answer. Just…don’t,” she sighed and ran her hands through her choppy, black hair, pacing.
“I’ve been through a lot with you, Jasper. I’ve stood by you through all your slip-ups, all the moves we’ve had to endure because of your lack of control. I’ve even let you slip up, and covered for you so the family wouldn’t know, because you needed a treat. I stood by you, while you worked out all the fucked up shit that Maria put you through. And after all that, you play me for a fool?”
Her voice raised an octave with every word. By the time she had finished ticking off my faults, I had backed up against the wall. I sat with my face in my hands, and prepared myself for existence, as I knew it, to change.
“Just…go, “ she whispered, almost too low for me to hear.
“Alice,” I pleaded.
“Just go! I don’t care where. Go to Peter and Charlotte. Go find your home wrecking whore…”
She abruptly turned and quickly went into our adjoining bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. I could hear her sobs.
I stood and collected my thoughts. My path no longer lay here. The Cullens would no longer dictate my life.
I grabbed an old duffel bag from the closet and threw in some of my most important belongings, my mother's necklace, some clothes and a small wad of cash.
I placed my old Stetson on my head, sighed, and looked back toward the bathroom door.
“My apologies, Alice. I’ll have Jenks draw up the paperwork.”
Then I left.
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