More Than Words Chapter 12
Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No money is being made from the writing of this story. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N: Adult content ahead.
Thank you to Sparagus, for helping me through this, my most emotionally draining chapter, yet.
She stared at me for a minute, “Bella? You look a little green.”
“Yeah, I have a bit of a headache. Just nerves. Can I have a glass of water?”
Alice floated out of the room and came back a reasonable amount of time later. It was so hard having the Cullens’ maintain the human façade around my friends and blood family, but necessary.
I took the glass from her and pulled a huge gulp down. It felt like rocks were seated in the pit of my stomach. With one more deep breath to ground myself, I lifted my chin.
Alice escorted me out of the relative safety of the room with my mother following close behind. We walked slowly down the hallway towards the stairs. Alice quietly repeated ‘right, left, left, right’ for most of our journey.
Internally, I felt like I was heading to my execution.
My father met us at the top of the stairway, and Alice handed me off to him with a bubbly smile. She whispered something too low for me to hear, presumably to those downstairs.
My mother hurried down the stairs, and Alice gracefully began her decent.
The Wedding March began, and my father held my arm.
I’ve never seen him in a tux…
“Bells? You’re shaking,” he whispered.
“Just nerves, Dad. I’m okay.”
He nodded and leaned down, giving me a fatherly kiss on the forehead.
“You look beautiful.”
Then why do I feel so black and rotted inside?
We started down the stairs. As we rounded the banister, my eyes met two golden orbs that shown out from amongst the others like them in the crowd.
My head was spinning. The sheer volume of the thousands of white flowers was nearly blinding. My senses were reeling from the intense aroma the blooms put forth.
I felt like I had tunnel vision, and I needed to lightly shake my head to keep from passing out.
I shifted my gaze, and looked into the glowing face of Edward, who awaited me at the altar.
She was truly a beauty to behold. Bella. The vision I had seen of her in that dress did her no justice. She looked like a royal princess.
She made her way down the isle gracefully; well, as graceful as Bella could be. She was next to me now.
She looked terrified.
Her father stopped where he stood and looked me directly in the eyes. With more love and sincerity than I was used to seeing in humans, he placed her tiny hand in mine, and spoke just two words, “Cherish her.”
He turned then, and made his way to sit next to Bella’s mother.
I gazed upon the face of my beloved, and we both turned to Mr. Weber, who was officiating. Even without looking at her, I knew Bella was nervous. Every vampire in the room knew she was nervous. Her heart beat a rapid staccato in her chest.
The ceremony continued. I repeated the words when I needed to and was too caught up in the moment to think much about Bella’s anxiety. I was sure if I were still living, I would be feeling much the same as her.
Bella was beautiful and delicate and absolutely terrified. When her eyes met mine, for that brief moment, I felt my world shatter around me.
Bella, my angel, was marrying another, and I could do nothing to stop it. A man cannot serve two masters, and I was already bound to Alice, and had been for near half a century.
Alice saved me when I had nothing left to exist for…
My eyes went back to the scene unfolding before me. My dead heart was breaking.
Edward was happy, ecstatic, even. The giddiness exuding from him was a direct result of the impetuousness of his youth.
Mr. Weber read the vows and then turned towards the audience.
“If there is anyone here today that knows a reason why these two should not be bound in Holy Matrimony, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.”
The moment that the thought crossed my mind, I regretted it. I had been so diligent in keeping Edward from my thoughts concerning Bella.
Edward stiffened, and his angry gaze landed on me. Disbelief and curiosity surrounded him.
As soon as I thought it, I shut my mind off again. He may have known I objected, but I'd be damned if I would tell him why. I just stared back at him. He could think what he wanted.
Mr. Weber, satisfied that no one had verbally expressed dissent, continued on.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. Edward, kiss your bride.”
The tears ran down Bella’s face. What most would accept as tears of happiness and relief, I knew to be those of silent acceptance. Bella had made her bed, and was forcing herself to lay in it.
I tried my hardest to block the rest of the ceremony and reception, without much success.
I watched as he kissed her, far too chaste a kiss for a wedding. I watched as they cut their cake, and my fool brother choked down a slice.
I hope you suffer when that comes back up.
I watched their first dance as husband and wife, and Bella’s subsequent dances with her father, and then mine, Carlisle.
Edward kept his eyes on me, silently waiting for me to do something stupid, like bite her. If he only knew the truth…
I made my way across the dance floor, over to Bella. This would likely be the last time I would ever touch her. I reached out my hand.
“May I have this dance, Mrs. Cullen?”
Fresh tears crept up in her eyes, but she accepted, and took my hand.
I held her close, but not as close as I wanted to. We spun in unison on the floor. There wasn’t an ounce of clumsiness in Bella’s movements.
As the song neared its end, I leaned down to her ear.
“You’ve made a lovely bride, Bella.”
She lightly smiled up at me through her tears and nodded, a silent thank you for my resilience. When the dance ended, I handed her off to Edward, who was closely waiting nearby. I clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a small smile and backed it up with as much sincerity as I could muster.
I stayed on the outskirts of the affair after that dance. I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore than I already had. I continued to watch, and if it were even possible, my heart broke just a little bit more when they began giving hugs and waving goodbye. They were off to their honeymoon.
There was nothing I could do now. It was too late to change anything. I could have…should have stopped this. I should have told her that her passion for life, her depth of feeling for those around her, made my dead heart feel as though it could beat again.
I should have, but I didn’t.
I’m sorry, Bella.
After my dance with Jasper, the remainder of the reception flew by in a blur. Before I knew it, Edward was ushering me out to the waiting car, to begin the trek to our honeymoon, the location of which he still hadn’t revealed to me.
“So, where are we going, exactly?”
He chuckled and reached over, buckling my seatbelt.
“Impatient, Mrs. Cullen?”
It was the first time he had referred to me as such. A shiver ran down my spine.
“No, Edward. Just curious.”
He faced forward, goading me. His smirk was visible on the edges of his mouth.
He leaned over the console once more and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
We were soon traveling out of Forks at break-neck speed. A short drive, two planes and one boat ride later, I gazed upon the darkened edge of a small island, glittering in the moonlight.
“I thought that you might like it.”
It was dark, dark enough that my human eyes were having difficulty making out all the details, but I could see a lovely, white, beach house jutting up from the dunes. Palm fronds waved lazily in the light breeze.
Edward swiftly lifted me and carried me from the dock to the large house. As we got closer, I could make out the large glass walls and muted earth tones that I easily recognized as Esme’s trademark.
Once inside, I couldn’t help but feel at home. I was actually starting to feel almost happy.
“It’s very hot here.”
I waved my hand in front of my face to fan a small breeze.
“I know. The water is also very warm.”
He smiled at me lovingly and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead, his arm lightly resting on my shoulder.
“Take a minute or two, Bella, then come for a swim with me?”
I nodded, suddenly more nervous than I had been in days. Edward quickly disappeared through the glass doors, and I entered the bathroom, and true to form, turned on the water. After a few moments of centering myself, I turned it back off; ready to face whatever events Fate had planned.
I went back to the bedroom and grabbed my suitcase. I hoped that Alice had packed at least a few things that I would feel comfortable in. After emptying almost all of it, I found a thin, blue robe. That would work.
I stripped down and placed the robe around my shoulders, the thin ties hanging loosely by my sides.
I followed the path that Edward had taken, out of the doors, and down to the edge of the ocean. I saw the moonlight glistening on his shoulders. I took a deep breath, dropped my robe, and waded out to him.
I stood before him. His face was peaceful but also nervous. I could see his struggle for control etched on his features. He reached out and stroked my cheek, hesitantly.
“Bella, if I hurt you…”
I turned my face, and reached up, kissing him with as much passion as I could gather. The tears burned at the back of my eyes, but did not fall.
He ran his hands slowly down my sides, testing himself. Slowly, he lifted my legs, resting them around his hips. I could feel him then.
His kisses were sweet, but his motions were jerky and uptight.
He held me to him with his left arm, while his right languidly flowed down my body. I jumped when his hand first made contact with my heat. He teased me then, with unsure fingers, the movements less intimate than they were exploratory.
I was tense, too tense. He removed his fingers, and I felt as he replaced them with the tip of his shaft. I felt him nudge forward, minutely, my muscles reacting toward the intrusion.
The warmth that the water had caused his body to absorb felt completely wrong. I swung my head over his shoulder, the sound of my tears falling was muffled, and sounded like gasping.
He was fully seated within me now. He slowly rocked to and fro, testing the new sensations.
I held onto his shoulders tightly, trying to pull myself up and off of him. I don’t know if it was the position, or my fear, but each thrust felt like an invasion, like my body was forcing him out of me. I felt swollen and by no means was I enjoying this.
Not like I had with…
He seemed to sense my distress, and slowed.
“Do you want to get out of the water, Bella?” he asked, gruffly.
I only nodded, afraid of what my voice would give away.
He carried me towards shore and lay me on a large blanket he had laid out beforehand. He started his movements more slowly this time. The angle was better, but still felt wrong.
I tried to meet his thrusts, but his movements were not steady. They were uneven, and varied in speed and depth. He started to groan and his hands reached out, becoming buried in the sand.
He sped up, going deeper, causing me more discomfort.
“Ed…ward? Please. I can’t… it hurts.”
He growled. Edward growled.
My fear spiked.
He leaned down and took the edge of the blanket between his teeth. I could hear the fabric begin to tear as he rapidly removed himself from me.
Not a moment after, I felt an ice-cold liquid spread across my upper thigh and pubic mound.
He was breathing heavy for a moment before he spoke.
“Bella? Oh, God. Bella. I’m so sorry. I almost couldn’t stop. I was trying. I was trying so hard to stop… didn’t mean to hurt you. Love, please. Tell me you’re okay?”
I couldn’t speak. The tears flowed down my face in rivulets. It wasn’t all from pain; there was shame, as well.
Wordlessly, Edward lifted me, and carried me back into the house.
He began quietly whispering reassurances to me. He laid me in a large, white bed, pulled the thin sheet over me, and held me to his chest, dry-sobbing himself.
“I’m sorry, Bella. I won’t do that again. Not while you’re still human. Love, I’m so sorry. Please, Bella? Forgive me?”
I wordlessly sobbed myself to sleep that night, my wedding night.
I dreamt of a golden-haired cowboy, lulling me deep into slumber, reading me passages from Shakespeare.
I’m sorry, Jasper.
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