Innocence Lost Chapter One
Summary - Innocence Lost - Edward finally gives into Bella's desires, but it alters him so completely. Can Bella handle this new side of Edward? It gets so bad that Jasper finally has to step in and save her from the darkness. Eventually a Team Jasper story, Lots of Darkward.
Rated - MA for obvious reasons.
Disclaimer – I own nothing.
It had been two months since Edward had come back to me. We were getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, and things couldn’t be better between us. We were growing as a couple, getting closer and learning to trust our feelings. We were moving in a positive direction. I wasn’t as freaked out that he would leave me, and maybe that was because he did leave me, and I knew I could survive. He was also learning not to be as protective with me. He still hovered, and offered his opinion on my choices as often as he could, but it was different. I could see now that he was doing it out of love, and not so much as a control mechanism.
I knew exactly what had gotten us to this place, and I intended to keep us there. In the last few weeks, Edward’s resolve was weakening when it came to us being intimate. At first, his kisses became longer and more passionate. He even managed to slip his tongue between my lips on more than one occasion. Shortly after that, his hands started to explore my body, first over my clothes, but in the past couple of days, he had worked his way under my shirt to touch my stomach. My body screamed for more, and I was sure he knew it. The time we were spending in his bedroom at night was increasing by ten or fifteen minutes each evening, but once he took me home and climbed into my window, we were back to chaste kisses and him humming me to sleep. My guess was that if he started up again in my bed, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
I knew that the physical connection we were creating was making things better for our relationship. Edward was learning to relax with me, and I appreciated that he was willing to try. The only problem with our new found experimentation was that we were both frustrated. We were driving each other crazy, but neither of us was experiencing a release. That had to be the next step.
On this particular evening, my back was pressed against the soft leather of Edward’s couch, caught in between the cushions and his rock hard body. His kisses were becoming more urgent, and occasionally he would forget to let me up for air. Damn, why did I need to breathe? I hitched my leg up over his hip, and pressed myself into him. He let out a small moan. He ran his hand up my shirt, and started to unbutton the first two buttons. That was usually as far as he got, and it signaled that our time was coming to an end, but not tonight. As he reached for the third button, he looked into my eyes and asked for silent permission. I was too out of breath, and maybe in shock to answer, so I just nodded.
He quickly unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it off my shoulders. He ran his cold hand over my stomach and ribcage, as his eyes took in my body.
“You’re perfect, Bella,” he whispered, as he kissed my neck. “I want to see all of you.”
I twisted my fingers in his hair, and guided his lips down my neck. “You can do whatever you want.”
He continued to kiss his way down, stopping at the base of my throat. He ran his hand up over my stomach and to my breast.
“Oh…” I had waited so long for him to touch me like this. He ran his thumb over my lace covered nipple, and I let out a small moan. He pressed his thigh into my center, but my body needed friction. I started to rock into his leg, trying to find an outlet. I should have known that was too much, because before I knew it, my shirt was back in place and buttoned. We were in a seated position. My head was spinning from the vampire speed.
I knew I couldn’t be upset. We were making progress, but it just wasn’t fast enough. I had to have this enticing, perfect man or I might die, before he had a chance to turn me.
He ran his fingers through his perpetually messy hair, and then took my chin in his hand. “I’m sorry, love,” he said. “Please don’t feel rejected. I just can’t risk hurting you.”
I touched his cheek. “You won’t hurt me. Your control is getting stronger. Your touches are softer. You don’t even have to think about it anymore. I can feel that.”
He shook his head. “It’s too risky, Bella,” he looked defeated. “I’m not going to hurt you, so that I can gain pleasure.”
“You wouldn’t just be pleasing yourself,” I smiled.
“You’re a danger magnet,” he said, as he got up from the couch, pulling me with him. He took me in his arms, and gently kissed my lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I said, as I let out a breath to center myself.
“I’m just as frustrated as you are,” he smiled, and judging from the bulge in his pants, I knew that was true. I laughed.
He took my hand. “I think I better get you home.”
“Can I come back tomorrow night?” I asked.
“I should say no, because it’s getting harder to resist your charms, but since I can’t deny you anything, yes, we’ll probably be in the same situation tomorrow evening.”
“Good,” I smiled, as I kissed his cheek. I was hoping to get even further tomorrow night. He laughed at me, and took my hand and led me down the hall. As we passed Alice and Jasper’s room, I could hear them arguing. Arguing? Alice and Jasper? That was odd.
“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, Alice, how can I fix it?” Jasper yelled.
“Maybe you can’t fix it,” Alice calmly said back. Jasper certainly seemed more upset than she did.
He growled out in frustration. “I’m going for a hunt.” He came out of the room and walked right past us. He didn’t even say hello.
I looked at Edward.
“They’ve been having some issues lately,” he said, and I could tell that bothered him.
“Alice hasn’t said anything,” I said.
“She’s having visions, but I can’t see them in her head.”
“That’s because I’m blocking you,” Alice said, as she stepped into the hall. “Hey, Bella.”
“Alice, are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine, but it's Jasper I’m worried about,” she frowned. “Edward?”
“Sure, Alice,” he smiled. “I’ll go hunt with him. Would you mind taking Bella home?”
“No,” she said.
“Bella, love,” he said, as he took my hand. “Is that okay? I’ll come to your bedroom as soon as I’m finished.”
“Of course,” I kissed his cheek. “I’d like to talk to Alice anyway.”
Edward quickly ran down the steps and out the door.
“Come on,” she said. “I’ll take you home.”
“Wait!” I said. “What’s wrong with you and Jasper? You never fight.”
“It’s complicated,” she said, as we walked downstairs and to the garage.
“Alice,” I said. “I’m your friend, you can tell me anything.”
We climbed into Edward’s Volvo, and she stared at my seatbelt. I sighed. “You vampires are all the same.”
“If you got injured in an accident with me driving, he would kill me,” she said.
I buckled up. “Now, spill,” I said. “What’s up with Jasper?”
“Bella,” she sighed. “We’ve been together a long time. Couples go through this kind of stuff, and sometimes circumstances intervene that are out of our control.”
“You had a vision about these circumstances?” I asked.
“I did, but it isn’t clear and until the path is set, I just don’t know,” she said.
“Is Jasper going to do something?” I asked.
“It won’t be his fault,” she said. “He’s going to react to something someone else will do. He won’t be able to help it.”
“What is it? Who will he react to?” She was being so cryptic.
“I don’t know, Bella, I can’t see it clearly, because whoever is causing Jasper to respond hasn’t made up their mind, but each night the vision gets stronger. It’s gotten so vivid in the past few weeks, but I can’t tell what will cause Jasper to pull away from me.”
“Jasper loves you,” I said. “He would never leave you.”
“Like I said, some things are out of our control. We have to accept the future, and move from that,” she said, as we pulled up in front of my house. “But, as you can imagine, these visions are making it hard for me to trust my future with Jasper.”
“Alice,” I said. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing, Bella,” she smiled. “This isn’t your fault or your problem. You and Edward need to move forward, and you seem to be doing rather well.”
“We are,” I smiled. “But I want you to be happy, too.”
“I will be,” she stated. “About you and Edward. How come you’re spending so much time in his bedroom?”
I blushed. “Like you don’t see it?”
“Well, I did see it a few weeks ago. The kissing and the touching have gotten much more intense.”
“Alice!” I said.
“It’s not my fault, Bella,” she said. “But, I haven’t seen the actual act.”
“Oh?” I felt defeated.
“It doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but Edward just hasn’t made up his mind to do it yet. I have a feeling that it will be a spur of the moment decision. He can’t resist you forever.”
“Do you really think so?” I asked.
“He loves you, and he is drawn to you. He has been since that first day in the cafeteria.”
“I want him so bad, Alice.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” she said.
“What does that mean? We’ve never been closer, and I’ve never felt more connected to him than I have in these past few weeks.”
She was suddenly lost in thought.
“Alice?” I said. “Are you okay?”
She smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Are you thinking about Jasper?” I asked.
“Sort of,” she said. “Bella, I might have to take a trip in the next few days.”
“What? Where?” I asked. “I just got you back a few months ago.”
“Rose and Emmett are going to Alaska, and I think I’m going to join them.”
“All of a sudden?” I asked. “What about graduation?”
“Oh,” she rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I haven’t done that a hundred times before. I think I need to give Jasper some space. He’ll see clearer without me around.”
“Please reconsider,” I begged.
“Bella,” she said. “Trust me.”
“If this is what you have to do to make it better for you, then I support your decision.” I leaned over and hugged her. “You’ll call me?”
“Of course,” she smiled.
I got out of the car. “Bella,” she called. “Please be careful. Don’t push Edward too much.”
I looked at her for a second. “I won’t.”
“See you soon,” she smiled.
As she pulled away, I had the strangest feeling that I wouldn’t be seeing my best friend soon. Whatever she had seen concerning Jasper, was enough to make her run. What would make Jasper give up on Alice?
I ran down the steps, and quickly caught up with Jasper. He just glared at me, and judging from his thoughts, he didn’t want to talk. We hunted in silence. It gave me time to think about Bella. I couldn’t get her out of my thoughts. She had always consumed my mind, but lately she was all I thought about. We were so much closer, and the evenings we were spending in my bedroom were getting more intense. It was becoming harder and harder for me to resist her. I didn’t want to resist her anymore. I simply wanted her.
“Why don’t you just do it?” Jasper asked.
“I can feel the want and the lust radiating off of you,” he said. “And Bella is just about ready to combust. What are you waiting for?”
“You know why, Jasper,” I said.
“You’re not going to hurt her,” he said. “You love her too much. You’ll be able to control it.”
“The bloodlust, maybe,” I said. “But not my strength. What if I lose control and kill her?”
He shook his head. “You have to trust yourself. Bella does. Why else would she come to a house full of vampires every night, especially after what I tried to do?”
“She doesn’t blame you for that,” I reminded him. “She never has.”
“I’m not the issue, here,” he said. “She trusts you, and you have to show her that she’s right in trusting you. I don’t think she’ll wait forever. She’s frustrated. I can feel that.”
“She doesn’t have to wait forever,” I said. “Just until I turn her.”
“And when will that be?” he asked.
“I don’t know. We haven’t set a definite date,” I said.
“It’s your life,” he said, as he headed back to the house.
“Wait,” I said. “What’s going on with you and Alice? You guys haven’t been right for some time now.”
“I don’t know,” he sighed. “She’s having visions, and they seem to get stronger every night, but she won’t tell me what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do.”
“Are you having problems?”
“We weren’t, until these visions started. I mean, we’ve been together a long time, and sometimes I think that we’re just growing apart, and when she hides things like this from me, it only confirms those feelings.”
“You’re an empath,” I said. “Can’t you tell if she still loves you?”
“She loves me,” he said. “Just as I love her, but with Alice, there was never any real spark. She knows that. We look after one another, and we share so much history. We’re complacent, but neither one of us will admit it to the other. The only difference is that I can feel it, and she can’t.”
“Jasper,” I said. “Are you going to leave her?”
“Never,” he said. “I owe Alice my life. If it weren’t for her bringing me to the Cullen’s, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”
We walked into the foyer, and Alice was standing there with her bags packed. I have to do this, she said to me, in her head.
I shook my head.
Jasper must have felt her sorrow. “Where are you going?”
“I’m taking the trip to Alaska with Emmett and Rosalie. I need to get a way for a while.”
“Without me?” Don’t you do this to me.
“I’m sorry, Jazz,” she said, but I heard her thoughts. I don’t have a choice.
“You’re sorry?” he asked. “Are you crazy? You’re just leaving? How could you do that to me? After everything…” This can’t be happening.
“Look,” I said. “This is not what either of you want.”
“Yes, Edward,” Alice said. “It is what I want. It’s what I need.”
“Alice,” I said. “I know how you feel about Jasper. You can’t just leave.”
“Stop it, Edward,” Jasper said. “I know you mean well, but I won’t beg her to stay.”
“That’s just your pride, Jasper,” I said.
“No!” He looked at Alice. “If you leave, I’m not waiting for you. Do you understand?”
“You won’t have to wait,” she whispered, and I could hear how conflicted she was, but she was trying to think of anything other than Jasper.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“I can’t explain,” she said. “I’m sorry, Jasper. I do love you. I know you can feel that.”
“Then why?” he asked.
“I just have to,” she walked over to him, and gently kissed his cheek. She was sobbing internally, and Jasper was being hit with both of their pain. It was overwhelming him.
He backed away from her. “I won’t wait.”
Carlisle came down the stairs with Esme, as Rose and Emmett walked into the foyer.
“I’m ready,” Alice said.
“Alice.” Esme said. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Alice said. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Jazz,” Emmett said. “We won’t be gone long.”
“I don’t care how long she goes for,” he said. “I won’t be here when she gets back.”
“Jasper,” Rose said, as she kissed his cheek. “Don’t say things you’ll regret later.”
Actually, he was holding back so many things that he could be saying. I heard them all in his thoughts. He was being very polite to Alice, because I knew what he wanted to say.
“Maybe it’s best you leave now,” Carlisle said. “Have a safe trip, and call me when you get there.”
We said our goodbyes, and Alice glanced at Jasper one last time, before she walked out of the door. He didn’t even acknowledge her.
Edward, take care of Bella. Be careful with her.
Before I could respond, she was gone.
Jasper looked at Carlisle and Esme, before heading up the stairs. “I’ll be out by morning.”
“Jasper,” Carlisle said. “You will do no such thing.”
Jasper looked confused. Esme walked over to him and took his hand. “I know this is difficult for you. We don’t understand it either, but you belong with us.”
“No,” he said. “Alice brought me here.” I don’t want to leave.
“Then don’t,” I said. “We want you to stay.”
“Edward is right,” Carlisle said. “You are just as much a part of this family as my other children, and I won’t allow you to leave us. When Alice comes back, we will find a way for this to work.”
“Please, Jasper,” Esme said. “I’d be heartbroken if you were to leave.”
“I’ll think about it,” Jasper said. “I’m too overwhelmed right now. I need to go upstairs and think.”
“Take all the time you need,” Carlisle said. “I’ll be in my study, when you’re ready to talk.”
“Thank you,” he looked at the three of us. “All of you.” He ran up the stairs, and slammed his door.
“I need to go see Bella,” I said. I wanted to be close to her. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving her again.
I ran to her house, and quickly climbed into her window. She was already asleep. I smiled at her, as I got lost in her beauty. How could I have ever left her? I hurt her so deeply, but I would never do that again. She rolled over, and sighed in her sleep. I crawled into the bed, and pulled her into my arms. I lightly began to hum her lullaby. She snuggled deeper into my chest and whispered my name, as she fell into a heavy slumber.
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