A Reason to Exist Chapter 6

***Thanks for your patience over this chapter. My o/s for the “I Get Off in Volterra” Contest is now posted. “Where Your True Destiny Lies”...please check it out and let me know what you think when you get a chance. Thanks to all of you who have already read it and left a review!

***Thanks beta girls!


I woke up, cold and alone. I took in my surroundings, and remembered I was in Edward’s bed. Where was he? I suddenly realized what I was missing. I quickly got up and ran down the hall to his room. I needed him…had to feel his hands all over my body.

I pushed open his door and found him in his chair. He was reading, but as soon as he heard me coming, he tossed the book aside and stared at me.

I slowly approached him, knowing that this is not where I should be, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Bella?” he whispered. “You shouldn’t be in here.”“I missed you. I just want to be close to you,” I said, pleading with my eyes. I would die if he sent me away.

“Darlin’, I miss you too, but…”

I cut him off with my lips. I quickly inserted my tongue into his mouth, and moaned my pleasure. He tasted so good, a mixture of sweet and spice. I could never get enough of him.

He moved his hands to either side of my face, and gently pulled back. “Bella, I don’t have enough self-control for this.”

“Really?” I asked. “How about this?” I pushed the robe from my shoulders, and let it fall to the floor, revealing my naked body to him.

He gasped at my little surprise, and I knew by the look in his eyes, he wanted me. My juices were already starting to drip down my thighs, and he hadn’t even touched me yet. I crawled into his lap, straddling him. I pushed my wet core into his hardened center.

“Fuck, Bella,” he moaned into my mouth. “How am I supposed to resist you?”

“Don’t.” I said. “I need you to touch me. I like when you take control, and make me do what you want.” I licked his neck. “Can you do that Jasper? Can you make me yours?”

He stood up from the chair so quickly, and before I knew it, I was pinned against his rock hard chest and the wall on the opposite side of the room. He lowered his pants, and then quickly thrust a finger deep inside me.

“So, fucking wet…” he whispered, as he moved his finger in and out of me, gently adding a second as his thumb rubbed my clit. “Is this what you wanted?”

“God, yes…” I moaned.

“Say my name,” he corrected me. “I only want my name to escape those lips.”

“Yes, Jasper,” I whispered against his mouth. “Please…I need to feel you.”

He swiftly lifted me off the floor with one arm, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He rested his other arm against the wall, next to my face. “Put me inside of you,” he growled.

I reached down and took him in my hand. He was so big and thick, I briefly thought about taking him in my mouth. I wanted to taste him, but when he started to suck on my earlobe and whisper what he wanted to do to me, I knew there would be no stopping him. I rubbed his tip against my clit, enjoying the sensation of his coolness against my heat. He indulged me for a few moments, but he was getting impatient.

“Bella,” he hissed.

I let out a quiet giggle over his eagerness, and then did as he asked. I pushed him inside of me, and then he thrust slow and deep. He stilled for a few seconds, letting me get used to him. This was the first time we were connected since our first night together, and he knew he had to be careful with me.

“I’m ready, Jasper,” I said. “You can have me.”

He picked up his pace as his lips explored my neck, occasionally I felt his teeth gently scrape at my skin. I threw my head back and offered him all of me. He moved down the column of my throat, working his way to my breasts. He gently bit down on my nipple, before feverishly sucking it into his mouth.

“Harder, Jasper,” I moaned as I looked over his shoulder. I was so caught up in feeling Jasper that I had to focus, but then I saw his golden eyes staring back at me. He was so quiet, and he didn’t move.


Jasper must have been too involved in what he was doing to me, because he didn’t stop. He had to have sensed him standing behind us, didn’t he? He only continued to suck on my nipple harder.

I didn’t break my eye contact with Edward, as I pushed the back of Jasper’s head closer to me, arching my back to let him take my breast even further into that skilled mouth. Just as my muscles began to tense and I felt that incredible sensation in my stomach…

“Bella!” Edward said.

He was stopping me from releasing, and then Jasper started to slip away from my hold. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder.

“Bella,” Edward called.

I reluctantly opened my eyes. I was gasping for air and gripping the sheets.

“Bella,” Edward said. “Are you okay, love?”

“It was a dream?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “And, a pretty intense one.”

“A dream?” I couldn’t believe it. My body ached for Jasper, and I could feel his touch all over me. I still felt the chill from his lips against my neck. And, I was so wet. Edward had to have known that. I knew he could smell it. I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t.

He gently stroked my hair, but that made me mad. He knew that I was dreaming about having sex. Why didn’t that affect him?

I rolled onto my side to face him, and inched closer to his face. I brushed my lips against his. He pulled back, as I expected him to do. That was it! I could throw myself at him, but this time when he rejected me, I could fight with him and tell him that this was no longer working. Once I told him I wasn’t happy or satisfied, he would let me go. Edward’s only goal in this life was to make me happy, right?

I moved closer to him and ran my fingers through his hair, as I pressed my mouth to his. He kissed me back, but he had done that before. He would stop in a few seconds, and I’d be another step closer to Jasper. I didn’t want to hurt Edward, but he continually hurt me every time he rejected me. If I could convince him that I wasn’t what he wanted, after all, then maybe he would let me go.

He deepened the kiss and ran his hand up and down my side, resting it on my hip.

“Bella,” he whispered. “I know what you were dreaming about. I know what you want.”

He pushed me down on my back and moved impossibly close to me. His smell was intoxicating. He started placing open-mouthed kisses along my jaw, as he moved down to my neck.

Well, this was certainly uncharacteristic for him. He’d have to stop soon.

As he continued to kiss my neck and shoulder, his hand started to roam over my chest and stomach. How long had I waited for this?

“Bella,” he whispered. “You smell so good.” He moved his hand down and gripped my thigh, as he gently spread my legs open. I immediately tensed up, when I realized what he meant by me smelling good.

No! No! No! This wasn’t happening! Why couldn’t this be the dream?

I looked into his eyes and saw that they were black. He was full of desire and lust, and he was so beautiful, and if this had happened a few weeks ago, I would have been ravishing him, but not anymore… I didn’t want him. I knew now that I wasn’t meant for him. I had already given my mind, body, and soul to Jasper.

He slowly slid his hand over my shorts, and circled his fingers over my entrance. A chill ran down my spine, but not in a good way.

He smiled as he pressed his lips to mine and deepened the kiss. Edward had never been this intimate with me. He moved his fingers inside my panties, and I knew I had to stop this before it got any further.

“Edward,” I placed my hand on his chest to create some distance between us.

“I won’t hurt you,” he smiled. “I’ll go as slow as you need.”

“Why now?” I asked. “Why tonight?”

“After watching you experience that dream, I realized how much I needed you.” He pressed his erection against my hip. “It did things to me too, love, and I don’t want to deny you anymore. I can’t deny us any longer.”

He went back to kissing my lips, as he moved his fingers closer to my entrance.

“No!” I moved away from him.

He let out a frustrated growl, “I know you want this.”

“No,” I said. “I changed my mind.” My voice was so soft and small.

He slowly ran his tongue along my bottom lip, and brought his hand to rest on my breast.

“Just try to relax, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He grinded himself into my leg.

“No!” I screamed. I had made a huge miscalculation, and now he might be too far gone to stop. This is what he meant by losing control. He stopped and stared at me. I saw the confusion wash over his face. Of course he was confused. I started this. “I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry,” I started to cry. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have started this, knowing that…”

“No,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you after you said no. I didn’t mean to be so inappropriate.”

“This isn’t your fault,” I could feel that familiar panic start to rise in my stomach. I started to shake. “It’s me, Edward. I’m not good…”

He sat up and pulled me into his arms. He was comforting me, but I felt how on edge he was. His body was rigid and tense. It was like he wanted to be close to me, but he was fighting to control himself. His eyes were still so black. Was it my blood or my body?

I tried to pull away from him. I was trying to make this easier for him, but he misinterpreted what I was doing. “No, please, Bella, don’t be afraid of me.” He tightened his grip on me.

“Edward,” I pulled away again. “Let me go.” I wanted to tell him the truth, but I remembered that Alice said that we couldn’t split the family. I started to sob, uncontrollably. He finally let me go, and I got up and moved off the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, as I sank to the floor. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to tell him… I looked up at him through my swollen eyes, but before I could say anything, he simply said,


Oh, God, did he know? Maybe I said something in my sleep?

Before I could process anything else, Jasper came rushing into the room and stared at me curled up on the floor. I could tell by the look on his face, my emotions were crashing into him. Edward knew that I had needed to be manipulated, so he called Jasper in.

Edward got off the bed, picked me up and handed me to Jasper. “Help her,” he pleaded.

Before I realized what was happening, Jasper carried me to the bed. I felt a wave of calm wash over me.

“What happened to her?” Jasper said.

“A misunderstanding,” Edward said. “It was my fault.”

“No,” Bella said. “I did it.”

“Jasper,” he said. “I have to go out for a bit. Can you stay with Bella?”

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I know you can feel what I’m feeling for Bella. I’m overwhelmed,” he said.

Jasper nodded.

“But, Jasper, if I leave you here with her, and you hurt her,” he shook his head. “I will kill you, before you ever even sense me coming.”

“Did you not seek my assistance?” Jasper said.

“He would never hurt me, Edward.” I said. “Please go and do what you need to do.”

He briefly stared at me. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’ll be back soon.” He didn’t say anything else to Jasper, before turning and leaping out the window. I felt Jasper’s eyes on me, and even without being an empath, I knew he wasn’t happy.


I began pacing the room. What was she thinking? Did she not realize how hard it was for me to listen to what she was trying to do to Edward?

“Jasper,” she said in a frightened voice.

I held up my hand and motioned for her to stop. I needed to get control of my own emotions, before I could even listen to what she had to say.

I turned and stared at her. I tried to speak, but stopped myself. How could I do this without freaking out? Not only had she thrown me into a rage, but she had Edward so worked up that he had to leave. He was aroused and full of desire, but the most alarming part was how much he wanted her blood. His emotions were all over the place, and feeling his thirst for her made my own throat burn.

“Bella? What were you thinking?”

“I thought if he rejected me, I could make him see that we weren’t meant to be.” I felt her embarrassment over her failed plan.

“And what? You’d just end things, and he would accept us being together?” I hated to admit it, but Alice was right; she could be so absurd.

“I’m sorry Jasper,” she looked up at me, and I saw the tears beginning to overflow from the corners of her eyes.

“Bella,” I sighed, as I sat down next to her, taking her hand in mine. “Do you not realize how dangerous that was? On so many levels.”

I felt her confusion. She had no idea.

“First of all,” I said. “Do you know how hard it was for me to sit back and listen to the two of you? To feel the lust? And when you started screaming no, it took every ounce of control I had not to burst in here and kill him.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” she pleaded. “I had a dream about you, and when I woke up I was…” she blushed.


“Very,” I felt her embarrassment. “Edward knew it, so I thought if I pushed him, he would turn me down, and I could make him see that I wasn’t what he wanted.”

“But, that didn’t happen, did it?”

She shook her head.

“Edward does want you, more than he has ever wanted anyone, but that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your blood overwhelms him, so he stays controlled around you. He doesn’t want to risk attacking you. I personally don’t think he ever could, but tonight after he made the decision to give in to your temptation and you pulled away, well, he wasn’t prepared for that. He wasn’t in control of his instincts. When I walked in here the lust, the blood, and the arousal were all so strong.”

“He wanted to bite me?” she asked, and I felt her fear.

“His throat was on fire, but understandably so. We’re not rational creatures, Bella, and sometimes we have instinctual urges. Sometimes sex and blood go hand in hand for us.”

“But you made love to me, and you were fine,” she said.

“Fine,” I laughed. “Bella, if you only knew how overwhelming it can be for me. My throat burns now, and we’re not even kissing.”

“You think about draining me?” I felt her shock.

“Oh, God, no! Drinking from you, tasting that sweet blood of yours, yes, but never draining you.”

I felt her hurt.

“Bella,” I said. “I would never hurt you.”

“But you just said…” I moved closer to her and pressed my lips to hers, as I pulled her in my lap.

“I can’t believe that Edward never discussed this with you.” Well, actually I could.

“I know he doesn’t want to lose control with me, but I thought it was because he didn’t want to physically hurt me, but then when you and I were intimate, I thought he was lying.”

“Bella,” I said. “He wasn’t lying. It does take a tremendous amount of restraint and effort to not hurt you when we are making love, but I can do it because my love for you far outweighs any fear of hurting you.”

“Edward loves me too.”

“Yes, he does, but he’s never been intimate with anyone, much less his singer.”

I still felt her confusion. Had Edward explained anything to her? Of course not, he was far too busy protecting her from our world.

“Bella,” I asked, because I truly was curious. “How could you so willingly want to become one of us, when you don’t even know anything about us?”

“I don’t know,” she looked away, and I felt her hurt. “I know that I want to be part of this family. I love you all so much.”

I tilted her chin. “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t become like us. I just think you need more information on what we are. Maybe a good, long talk with Carlisle is in order, when things settle down? The Cullens are a different breed. I know, because I wasn’t always one of them.”

“But you’re still good,” she touched my cheek. “I know that, Jasper.”

“Thank you, your confidence in me is overwhelming. No one has ever had that much faith in me. I heard you defend me to Edward earlier.”

“I meant it,” she smiled, and then pulled my face to hers. “I love you. Please don’t doubt that.”

“I don’t doubt it, but I’m very concerned about what our relationship is doing to you. I’m making your life miserable.”

“No,” she kissed me again. And I felt her love. “I’m just having issues dealing with what we did to Edward and Alice. I know I belong with you, but it’s all happening so fast.”

“Darlin’, I’m manipulating your emotions all the time. That’s not good.”

“That’s not true. It’s been getting easier at school.”

“That’s because I’m there helping you,” I told her. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to get close enough to you to keep you calm and secure, but stay far enough away that Edward doesn’t sense me? Luckily, he is so consumed with you and what is bothering you, that he seems oblivious to me and my thoughts about you. I know that I’ve slipped up on more than one occasion, but he doesn’t seem to notice.”

“Jasper,” she said, as she snuggled deeper into my chest. “I’m sorry that I’m causing you so much trouble. I know we have to tell him.”

I stroked her hair. “You’re not any trouble. I like taking care of you, but life will be better once we’re out in the open. Soon, sugar, very soon.”

I didn’t care what Alice saw or didn’t see. I wasn’t going to be able to put up with this charade much longer. I kissed her softly, but she quickly deepened the kiss. I felt her desire spike. I wanted her just as much as she wanted me, but now was not the time. I pulled away and smiled at her.

“Jasper,” she whispered. “My dream was so intense. You slammed me up against a wall.”

“Hmm,” I smiled. “Darlin’, I’ll slam you against every wall in this house, once Victoria is taken care of and Edward knows the truth.”

She sighed, and I could feel how exhausted she was.

“I’m going to help you sleep now,” I said, as I sent her some calming vibes.

She gripped my shirt. “Don’t leave me.”

“Not ever,” I kissed her head, and within seconds she was in a deep sleep, secure and safe in my arms.

We stayed this way for a few hours, but I couldn’t bring myself to let her go. I glanced down at her, occasionally kissing her lips. I was so lost in her, that I didn’t realize when Edward had made his way across the yard and up the wall to his room. I knew I could move to the other side of the room before he made his way in, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I couldn’t let her go. That territorial instinct that I felt over her was kicking back in.

He climbed in the window and briefly stared at Bella, sleeping in my arms. Then he raised his gaze to me. I felt his jealousy, but he wasn’t mad. I didn’t even try to block my thoughts. I couldn’t.

I love her, Edward. I want her for myself…

***I have chapter one of “Innocence Lost”, my new J/B and Darkward story posted, but the catch is...you have to follow me to fanfictionfrenzy dot com to read it! It's a new site where you can read and write. I hope you'll consider creating an account and submitting a story. The site is a WIP, but it's coming along.

***Fandom Celebration Day is February 1, 2010. Check out my blog for details!

***Oh, did I apologize for the major cliffy? lol

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