A Reason to Exist Chapter 3
***Thanks Jasper’s Darlin’ Kathy and TwiCarol. These chapters wouldn’t get posted without the two of you!
***I still own nothing! It just doesn’t seem right.
“Jasper,” she smiled, and I felt how happy she was to see me.
I quickly got her emotions under control, and she realized what had happened. She started to panic. I shook my head, and tried to mentally reassure her.
“Bella, love,” Edward took her hand, and stroked her cheek with his other. I had to fight back a growl. She’s not yours, Jasper, not yet.
I felt Alice’s concern and frustration, as she pulled me into the foyer. I knew she couldn’t verbally convey what she was thinking without alerting Edward, and luckily he was too preoccupied with Bella to even care what Alice and I were thinking. I leaned against the door jam and watched, as Edward and Carlisle got to take care of her.
“Bella,” Edward said. “Are you okay?”
She tried to sit up, but Carlisle stopped her.
“No, Bella,” he said. “I want you to take it slow.”
She nodded, and smiled at Edward. I felt her embarrassment over fainting.
“Have you eaten today, Bella?” Carlisle asked.
“No,” she admitted.
“Bella!” Edward reprimanded. Why did he talk to her that way? “What were you thinking?”
“I-I wasn’t feeling well, and I guess I just forgot,” she explained. I understood it. She was human and she made mistakes.
“But now look what you’ve done,” he said. ”You’ve made yourself worse.”
“Give her some space,” I said, as I walked back in the room.
“Jasper,” Alice said.
Edward looked at me, and I felt his confusion.
“Jasper is right,” Carlisle said, and I was thankful for the assist. “Alice, would you please ask Esme to prepare Bella something light to eat?”
“Sure,” she said, but I felt her resentment. “Jasper, after I go to the kitchen, I’m going to our room. Will you join me?” I knew she wanted to remove me from the situation before I made a bigger mess, but I wasn’t leaving Bella with the control freak. Obviously, I had territorial issues now.
“I’ll be up later,” I said. “I just want to make sure Bella is okay.”
Alice glared at me, and then stormed down the hall. I’d deal with her later. I sat in the loveseat across from Bella and monitored her emotions. She was scared, distraught, sad, and guilty, but even through all of that, I felt love, but I knew it was for both of us. I’d have to find a way to accept that she still loved Edward. I could do that, as long as I knew it was me she intended on being with.
After Edward practically force-fed Bella some soup, he gently laid her head in his lap and began stroking her hair. I was beyond jealous, and knew I should leave, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay away from her. Thankfully, Edward was so caught up with Bella, and consumed with worry for her, that he didn’t even try to get into my cluttered head.
She rolled over and looked into his eyes. “I’m okay, really,” she smiled. Well, she certainly was relaxed. I made sure of that.
“Bella,” Edward said. ”You passed out, you’re not okay.”
“Edward, don’t hover,” she said. “I can’t handle that now.” I felt her frustration.
Note to self; don’t hover, Bella doesn’t like it.
Edward looked at me, and I quickly started to think of Alice, in case he was in my head.
“Jasper,” he said, and I briefly worried that he heard something in my thoughts. “Can you help me?”
“Bella,” he said. “Tell her she needs to rest and let me take care of her.”
She sat up, and he pulled her to his side. It was any wonder the girl could breathe. Why had I never noticed this before? I couldn’t watch them anymore.
“This is between the two of you,” I said. “I hope you feel better soon.” I stared at Bella for a few moments, trying to think appropriate thoughts.
“Thanks,” she smiled. I wanted to take her in my arms and ravish those irresistible lips. Alice! I reminded myself to think of only Alice.
“Edward,” I said. “Maybe you should take Bella home and let her get some sleep?”
He looked at Bella. “Would you like that?”
“Yes,” she said. “I think I would.” She quickly glanced at me, and I knew she was hoping that I would keep my word and come to her tonight. I would, nothing would keep me away.
I ran up the steps and to my room, where my roommate was waiting for me. I knew I couldn’t go anywhere near Bella’s house until Edward was back home.
“This isn’t going to work,” Alice said. “We don’t keep secrets around here for a reason.”
“Alice,” I sighed. “I’m exhausted, and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. Did you see the toll this is taking on Bella?”
“She’s going to have a breakdown, Jasper, I’ve seen it.”
“I can’t let that happen,” I said. She was too fragile. She had already lost it once when Edward left her, and I didn’t think she could handle another collapse. Her emotions were already so unstable.
“Convince her to tell Edward what the two of you have done,” Alice warned.
“I’ll just tell him myself,’ I said. “That would have to be easier.”
“She’ll never forgive you,” she said. “I’ve seen that scenario, too.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“I’ve already told you,” she said. “It’s the only way.”
It took two hours, but Edward finally came back. I had never measured time before Bella, but now all I did was count the seconds until I could see her again. I jumped up from my chair and headed for the window.
“At least wait until he comes in,” Alice said, without looking up from her magazine. I could still feel her distaste for me. I was starting to regret my decision to share a bedroom with her. I understood where the resentment was coming from, but it didn’t make it any easier.
“I need to go to her,” I said. I knew I was hurting Alice, and I didn’t want to do that, but this pull toward Bella was getting stronger with each passing hour.
“Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “Go, but tell Bella I expect an explanation tomorrow.”
“Alice,” I said. “She’s already under an enormous amount of stress. Please give her time.”
“Time to continue sleeping with my husband?” she hissed.
Now she was making me angry. “That was never official,” I reminded her. ”You wouldn’t marry me.”
“Now I guess you know why.”
“Never mind,” she said, as she got up. ”Go to Bella. I’ll keep Edward occupied, so he’s not tempted to crawl back through Bella’s window tonight. That would be a horrible way for him to find out about the two of you. Don’t you think?”
I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. “I’ll leave this house for good if that’s what you need.”
“No,” I felt her regret. “I just need time. “I love you both, and it just hurts.”
I stared at her for a few moments. What could I say? I was in the wrong. I leapt out the window, and ran straight to her. For the second night in a row, I found her crying in her bed.
I crawled in next to her, and wrapped my arms around her body.
“I’m sorry, darlin’,” I whispered against her temple. “I never meant to cause you any pain.”
She grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me closer to her. “Jasper, you came.” I felt how happy she was to see me. She pulled back to look in my eyes. “I’m sorry about what happened at the house. I just got overwhelmed when I saw you and Alice.” She was embarrassed.
”It’s okay, Bella,” I stroked her hair just as I had wanted to earlier in the evening. “I’m just sorry I didn’t get your emotions under control faster.”
I felt her guilt set back in. “Bella, tell me what you want.” It would kill me, but I’d give her the out, if that was what she needed. “If you’ve changed your mind, and you’ve made a mistake, I won’t cause any problems for you, but you have to let me know.”
“Jasper?” she said. “Can’t you feel what I feel for you?”
“I can,” I said. ”But sometimes we can’t always act on our true feelings, especially when others are involved.”
“I’ve thought about this all day. You’re who I want to be with. I can’t stop thinking about last night.” She blushed.
“It was pretty amazing,” I smiled, and stared into those mesmerizing chocolate eyes. This girl would be my undoing, but I didn’t care. “Not just the physical stuff, Bella. I’ve never felt so connected to someone. It’s very new for me.”
“I know,” she said. “But it’s all happening so fast.” She inched closer to me, and my throat started to burn. I had to push back those thoughts. I didn’t want to hurt her, but it was very overwhelming to be that close to her, without feeling some effects of her blood.
“I’m sorry that I rushed you. I should have given you more time.” I was saying those words, but my body was reacting to her in very different ways.
“No,” she said. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’ve never been more sure about anything else. I’m sure of you, Jasper.”
“You just don’t want to hurt Edward,” I kissed her softly. “That’s what makes you so wonderful.”
“I’ve already hurt Alice,” she said, and I felt her remorse.
“Alice will understand eventually,” I said. ”Her gift will help her with that. I know that she has seen everything already. Once you talk to her, you’ll see.”
“I’m not ready for that,” she said, and I felt her shame.
“I know,” I said, as I tilted her chin so that she could look at me. “But, Bella, Alice wanted me to remind you that you and I can’t be fully happy, if we don’t answer for what we have done.”
“Not tonight, Jasper,” she whispered, as she pressed her lips to mine. I felt her desire spike. ”I’ve thought about being close to you all day. It’s the only thing that got me through this horrible day.” She kissed me. “Knowing that we could be together.”
I knew we shouldn’t do this, and if I were a stronger man, I would say no. I wasn’t. I should have gotten her lust under control, and stopped us before we got any further, but I couldn’t. God help me, I wanted this. I wanted her.
“You still want me, Jasper, don’t you?” she whispered, as she reached for the buttons of my shirt.
“Always,” I groaned against her mouth. I was impressed with how fast she got my shirt off of my body. She was just as eager as I was. I rolled on top of her, and attacked her lips. I knew I should ease up or she’d be swollen tomorrow, and how would she explain that? I couldn’t help it. That territorial instinct kicked in, and I wanted to make her mine. I pulled the covers off of her body and moaned, when I saw that she was wearing nothing but a tank top and a pair of thin cotton panties. I could see the arousal seeping through them already.
I pressed my lips against her hardened nipple and bit down through the material of her shirt. She frantically tugged at my hair, pulling me closer to her chest. With her other hand, she reached down between us and pulled up her shirt, exposing herself to me.
I glanced down at her body and licked my lips. “You’re so beautiful, offering yourself to me.” I moved my lips down to her now bare nipple, and feverishly sucked it into my mouth. I slowly ran my tongue back and forth over it, knowing that the coolness of my saliva would briefly numb it, so that when I bit down, she would feel nothing but pleasure.
She screamed out my name, and I was glad Charlie wasn’t home, or I was sure I would have been shot at. It would have been worth it.
Her desire and lust increased, and my cock twitched in anticipation. I quickly unbuttoned my pants and pushed them over my hips. I raised myself up on my forearms, and rubbed my erection into her wet center. She spread her legs for me.
“Oh…” she moaned, and abruptly raised her hips to meet the friction. I grabbed her leg and hitched it over my hip. Just as I went to pull her panties down, I felt a flicker of pain and then she winced.
I stopped. “Bella?” I asked. ”What is it?”
“Nothing,” she said breathlessly. “Please, Jasper, don’t stop.”
“You’re in pain,” I said, as I gently moved her leg from my hip. I immediately felt her disappointment. “You’re sore from last night. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m fine,” she insisted.
“We don’t have to do this tonight,” I said. ”I should have realized that after being with me for your first time, you would be sore. I’m sorry.”
I saw the tears filling in her eyes, and then I felt her feeling of rejection. She thought I didn’t want her. She turned her head to the side.
“Bella,” I whispered. “I’m not rejecting you.”
“But, you don’t want to hurt me,” she said. “So, you’re turning me down for my own good. I’m nothing but human. Too fragile for you.” I could feel how frustrated she was with herself.
I knew where these feelings stemmed from, but what she failed to realize was, I was not him. I wasn’t afraid to hurt her a bit, to bring her pleasure. “Look at me,” I said. She slowly turned to face me.
“Sweetheart,” I said, as I bent down and kissed her. “I will always want you. I’m only suggesting that we don’t have sex tonight, to give your body a few days to heal.”
I felt her disappointment.
“I didn’t say that we couldn’t play in other ways,” I smirked.
She smiled. “Other ways?” I felt her curiosity spike.
“There are so many things that I can teach you,” I kissed her lips again. “If you want to learn?”
“I do,” she said. “I want to be everything to you.”
“You already are, Bella,” I said. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” I moved down her stomach, and slowly slipped her panties down her legs. I kissed my way back up her legs, lingering at her inner thighs for a few moments. I gripped her hips as I moved closer to where my tongue ached to be.
“Spread your legs for me,” I managed to breathe out. Her smell was intoxicating, and I had never wanted to taste someone so bad. She hesitantly did what I asked, and I could feel her nerves kicking in. “I won’t hurt you, and if you don’t like it, I’ll stop.” I hoped I’d be able to stop if she asked. Please don’t ask.
I felt her legs begin to quiver. “Jasper,” she asked. “Can you help me relax?”
Now, why didn’t I think of that?
I sent her some relaxing vibes, mixed with lust and desire. I even projected some of my own want onto her. As soon as I spread her lips with my fingers and inserted my tongue, she was already moaning my name. I slowly showed her how we could enjoy one another, without having sex. She bucked her hips into my face and started to move with me. I squeezed her hips and pushed her against my face. There were certain advantages to not having to breathe, and Bella certainly enjoyed those advantages.
Her taste was better than I had imagined, and before I knew it, she was releasing into my mouth. Her breathing was heavy and her heart rate had increased. She couldn’t stay still. I moved back up her body and gently kissed her lips. I wasn’t sure if she would find kissing me at this moment offensive, but she pulled me to her lips and thrust her tongue in my mouth.
Fuck me! She liked it.
I arched a brow at her.
She smiled, and I felt her embarrassment.
“That was sexy, Bella,” I said. “You tasting yourself. I liked it.”
“You make me want to do all kinds of things.” She reached down and stroked me through my boxers. I let out a low growl.
“Bella, you don’t have to reciprocate.”
“I want to.” I saw the blush run across her cheeks. “I’m just not sure I’m ready to do what you just did to me.”
“It’s okay, darlin’,” I told her. “We’ve got plenty of time for that.”
“But, I want you to feel good, too,” she said.
“Hmm,” I said, as I slipped my boxers off. “How about I just do this?” I began rubbing my erection against her entrance.
“That feels really good,” she said.
I pressed my lips against hers, as I continued to rub against her mound. It felt so good, and as much as I wanted to be inside of her, I knew that this would have to do for tonight. I just wanted to be close to her, and let her know that she was loved and wanted.
I reached down in between us and spread her lips, so that I could rub my length along her clit. She let out a small moan and I felt her climax building.
The friction of her hot, wet sex was too much for me to handle. I grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back, as I screamed out my release. I shot my cool stream all over her stomach.
She gently kissed me.
“I like the way you play, Jasper,” she whispered against my lips.
***If you’ve been with me for my previous stories, you know I’m not going to make this easy! lol But, that’s why you read my stuff! Thanks!
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