A Reason To Exist Chapter 1
***This was originally my o/s submission for the “For the Love of Jasper” contest.
Summary - Set directly after Jasper's chapter in Eclipse. Jasper is falling for Bella, but can she reciprocate after learning about his past? Was a o/s, now a full fic. These are the ramifications of B/J's night together. Lemons! Team Jasper story!
RATED - MA
***Disclaimer – I own nothing!
Edward drove me home from the Cullen’s house shortly after Jasper’s retelling of his past, and the car ride was quiet to say the least. Not because we were fighting, but because I couldn’t get what Jasper had told me off of my mind. I found myself grieving for the life he had known. I knew he felt that, of course he felt it, and I couldn’t get the way he looked at me when we said goodbye tonight out of my head. It was as if he was trying to tell me something.
I always knew that Jasper’s early life as a vampire wasn’t easy, but I had no idea just how volatile his beginnings actually were. He explained that he was a soldier in the Civil War and how he loved that status, and apparently that was what he was destined to be. Maria turned him and he helped her create newborn armies to protect her territory. His early existence was no picnic, and I couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been to feel all of those erratic and unstable emotions of the newborns all day everyday. I had gained a new respect for Jasper tonight, and I finally realized why he seemed to have the hardest time with the animal diet. He had survived so many years on pure instinct, and for a vampire following the Cullen’s way of life, well, that wasn’t exactly instinctual.
In the past few months I had found myself becoming more and more intrigued with Jasper. We never really talked much before, and then after the disastrous birthday incident we politely avoided one another whenever I was at the house. This was difficult since I loved Alice and I wanted to know Jasper because of her, but I felt uncomfortable around him, not because I was afraid of him, but because I knew that I was a constant reminder of what he had tried to do. I was hoping that since I got to know him a little better and understood his past that maybe we could form a friendship. Perhaps tonight was some kind of turning point in our relationship.
Edward opened the car door and led me into the house. I had been so caught up in my recent thoughts of Jasper that I hadn’t even realized we were home. The house was empty because Charlie had gone on a weekend fishing trip.
“Love,” Edward said. “Are you okay?” He pulled me into his arms; I felt safe and secure, but that’s all I felt.
“Yes,” I smiled. “I’m great.”
“You were so quiet in the car. Have I done something to upset you?” Poor Edward. He was always thinking that he had hurt me in some way, and he was always trying to make up for leaving me that day in the woods. The problem was I didn’t think that he was ever going to be able to fully make that up to me.
“No, it’s not you.” I assured him. “I was just thinking about Jasper’s story and how he must have felt. He had a rough beginning.” I sighed and my heart ached for all of the pain and suffering he had endured throughout the years.
“Yes, he did. I’m sorry he upset you. I told him that you didn’t need to hear all of that.” He shook his head and I couldn’t help but get a little frustrated over his constant need to shelter and protect me from everything and anything.
I pulled out of his embrace. “No, Edward, I’m glad that Jasper told me about all of that. Obviously the problem in Seattle with all of those horrible killings is very similar to what Jasper described. I have a right to know what’s going on, too.”
“Bella, maybe I better not go hunting with the family tonight. I can stay with you.” He suggested. “You seem on edge and I don’t want you to be alone.”
“No, you have been looking forward to this trip with your family. I want you to go.”
“It might not be safe for me to leave you here alone.” He said “I think I should reconsider.”
“I’m not alone. Jake and the pack are constantly patrolling the area for Victoria, and Alice has seen nothing to indicate that I’m in any danger.” I really wanted him to go and that was something totally new for me. I usually clung to him for dear life, but lately I needed my space.
“If you’re sure.” I could tell he didn’t feel comfortable leaving me, but he knew my mind was made up.
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll call you if I change my mind.” I knew that I wouldn’t.
He placed a soft kiss on my lips; the very kind that used to ignite a spark within me, but no longer did. I had given up even trying for more. “I love you, Bella.”
“Me too.” I smiled as I closed the door and locked it behind him. Not a second later I heard the engine of the Volvo roar to life and Edward peeled out. I think he was beginning to feel the distance I was putting between us.
I did love him; really I did, but just not as much as I once thought. I just didn’t think we ever fully recovered after he left me last September. I tried to get past the abandonment issues, but all it seemed to do was make me resent him. His constant hovering was getting on my nerves. I knew he meant well, but it didn’t seem to be working for me at the moment. Edward’s intimacy issues weren’t helping his cause either. A part of me would always love him, and I knew that I would find it within myself to marry him and spend my eternity with him, but for some reason that just didn’t seem to matter as much to me anymore. There was a time when that was all I seemed to want, but now…
I couldn’t hurt him, especially not after the incident with the Volturi. He was willing to end his life when he thought I had died, so how could I leave him? He was a good man and I knew that he loved me more than his own life. The love I felt for Edward was strong and I knew that I had to work through whatever was going on with me. I cared deeply for his family and I was so fortunate to have them all. I’d find a way to make this work, besides it wasn’t as if there would ever be anyone else anyway. I knew how Jake felt about me, but I couldn’t reciprocate and in the end he would be nothing more than a friend to me. No, Edward was my destiny. He had to be, right? We had been through too much for us not to be together in the end. I just needed to keep telling myself that, but it was getting harder and harder to believe.
“Alice,” I pleaded. “I just don’t feel like going tonight.”
“Why Jazz?” She plopped down in my lap. “Aren’t you thirsty?”
“Not particularly.” I really wasn’t and I was starting to find it easier to be around humans without feeding as often. Maybe it was because Bella was around so much and I knew I never wanted to hurt her again. I was learning to control my blood lust, and I wasn’t even exactly sure when that happened; it just did.
“Fine,” she pouted. “I really wanted to go hunting with the others. Edward’s even going. He hasn’t gone with us in months.”
“Alice, I want you to go, darlin’.” We hardly ever spent anytime apart, and lately I was feeling the need for my own space. I was actually thinking of leaving for a while because I was having a hard time rationalizing why I was here, but something seemed to be keeping me here. As much as I wanted that reason to be Alice I knew deep down she wasn’t why I continued to stay.
“You want me to go without you?” I felt her shock.
“It’s only overnight.” I reminded her. “You’ll be back tomorrow. You’ll have fun.”
“But what will you do?” She closed her eyes searching for a vision. She wouldn’t find one of me because I was still undecided. I constantly changed my mind about leaving Forks, and as difficult as it was I never focused on Bella, but lately that seemed to be getting harder for me. I knew I couldn’t let my feelings for Edward’s future bride come to the surface. Alice would pick up visions and Edward would hear my thoughts. These were complications I didn’t need, and were some of the reasons why I thought I should leave. I felt like I no longer had a reason for existing.
“I can’t get a lock on what you’re doing. You’re conflicted and undecided.” She said and I could feel the sadness begin to creep in for her. I didn’t want to hurt Alice, but lately I just wasn’t feeling our connection. It all started when I tried to attack Bella and although Alice stood by me and defended me to the rest of the family I always felt her shame and disappointment over the whole situation. We never fully came back from that night, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.
“I’m not going to do anything. I think rehashing the past tonight has taken its toll on me, and I’d like to be alone.” At the time I said it, I thought it was true.
“If you don’t mind then I’ll go.” She kissed my cheek and sprung out of my lap. “I’ll miss you.”
I smiled at her and then she was gone. Alice would always hold a special place in my heart. She saved me from an eternity of desperation and sorrow. She brought me to the Cullen’s and showed me another way. I needed her at the time, but now I wasn’t so sure. There were so many new feelings I had been experiencing these last few weeks and I didn’t understand why. I knew who they were directed at, but I had been trying so hard to protect my thoughts from Edward and Alice that I had tricked myself into believing that I felt nothing for Bella. I was mentally exhausted. I knew it wasn’t fair to any of us, but I couldn’t let it go especially not after tonight.
Just before Edward took Bella home our eyes met and I felt something from her. Yes, she grieved for my past and hurt for what I had been through, but I detected something else. I swear I felt love coming from her, and it was directed at me. Finally, a flicker of hope. I looked at her just as she got into the car, and it was then that I noticed the blush in her cheeks. She was embarrassed because she had remembered my gift, and she knew that I had felt what she was feeling. I was so taken aback by it that I didn’t have time to process it until now. Could she really have feelings for me? I knew I should run in the opposite direction. This whole situation could only end in complete and utter devastation for all of us, but I couldn’t let it go. So, instead of running away from Forks I found myself running straight to Bella’s house. This would either be the best night of my existence or the biggest mistake I had ever made. Either way, I had to find out.
Bella was already in bed, but she wasn’t asleep. The wolves had just made their routine sweep past her house and while I knew they would detect me they would recognize me as a Cullen, and because of that I was allowed to be here. I didn’t want to knock on the front door because I was afraid I would startle her if she had to get out of bed and make the decision to answer the door, but I didn’t entirely feel that it was appropriate to climb through her window either. What was I doing? Maybe I should just leave. I was going to do just that when a major wave of sadness washed over me and then I heard her quietly sobbing. I had to go to her and see what was wrong.
I quickly climbed into her window and walked over to the bed. “Bella,” I whispered.
She looked up at me and I felt her shock over my presence, but she wasn’t afraid. Her eyes were wet and red and she wiped her nose with her hand. “Jasper,” she sighed. “Why aren’t you hunting with the others?”
She smelled so good that I needed to create some distance between us. I was confused because for the first time in my existence it wasn’t a human’s blood that was calling to me; it was something else entirely. She started to get out of the bed. I held up my hand. “No, just give me a minute.”
I felt her fear because she was afraid I had come to hurt her. I quickly replaced it with a calming vibe. “Bella, I won’t hurt you. It’s just that I’ve never been in your bedroom before and it’s a little overwhelming for me.” Bella and I had never even been alone before and now here I was standing just inches away from her in this tiny space.
“Is my blood calling to you?” She whispered.
“No, sweetheart, I’m fine.” I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. She was embarrassed by the fact that she was in nothing more than a tank top and boy shorts. She nonchalantly pulled the comforter over her lap, but that didn’t do anything to hide her magnificent upper body that was barely covered by the thin material of that snug tank top.
She blushed, “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“This is awfully rude of me. I don’t make it a habit of climbing through the window of a lady’s bedroom, but you were crying, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” she forced a smile.
I don’t know what possessed me but I reached for her hand and took it in mine. She didn’t object. “I don’t believe you. I can feel your desperation.”
The tears began to stream down her cheeks and I felt how conflicted she truly was. Her emotions seemed to be mirroring mine if that were even possible. She looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry, Jasper, I don’t mean to do this.”
“It’s okay, but can you tell me what’s got you so upset?” I wanted to help her.
She shook her head and wiped her eyes. “I don’t think I can.”
“Well, maybe I should tell you why I’m here and then perhaps you will feel more comfortable talking to me.”
I felt her curiosity.
I had no business doing this, but if I didn’t I might not ever get this opportunity again. Alice was going to see me here and I was going to have to face those consequences, so I might as well make it worth it. “Bella, I can’t explain it and I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but my feelings for you have changed. I can’t seem to stop thinking about you and I know its wrong, but…”
“Stop,” she said.
I released her hand and stood up. “Of course, I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have come here and dumped this on you. It’s my problem.” I headed for the window.
“No, don’t go.” She hopped off the bed and stood in front of it. “I’m upset because I’m feeling the same way about you, but you already know that.”
“I don’t want to cause you any pain.” I told her.
She inched closer to me and I could feel her warm breath on my face. I focused on her lips and thought how much I wanted to feel them against mine. “I’m not upset because I have feelings for you. I’m just confused because I know that you love Alice and I love Edward. We shouldn’t be feeling anything for one another.”
“I think it’s out of our control.” I pushed the hair out of her face and she shivered under my touch. “What should we do about this?” I would leave if that’s what she wanted. If she really believed that she was meant to be with Edward I would accept that, but I knew now that my heart could no longer stay true to Alice. There was another possibility for me now.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone; least of all you. If my feelings for you have affected how you feel about me, I apologize. I never meant for me to project them on to you.”
I smiled. “Bella, you can’t manipulate me; that’s my gift. I was feeling this way for you for some time now, but I’ve just been trying to suppress it so that I didn’t hurt anyone.”
“Are we supposed to deny are feelings to spare everyone else? I don’t mean to sound selfish Jasper, but knowing that you feel something for me too, is only going to make me staying away from you even harder.”
Was she really saying what I thought she was saying? She wanted me the same way I wanted her? “Bella, I’ve been monitoring your emotions for weeks now and I always felt some underlying pull to me, but you hide it well. When did it change for you?”
“Tonight,” she whispered and I felt the bout of nerves she was trying to fight. “It’s true over the past few weeks I was feeling things for you that I didn’t understand, but tonight when you told me the story of your beginnings, well, something just broke free from inside me. I finally saw you for who you really are.”
I put my head down and realized that after learning the truth about who I was she could see me as a monster.
“You’re amazing,” she smiled.
“What? How could you think that?” Why wasn’t she horrified by me?
“You were so open and honest. You told me things that Edward would never have exposed me to. I looked into your eyes and I saw Jasper Whitlock, and it suddenly changed everything for me. At first I didn’t realize what I was feeling, but then once I got home and thought about it, I knew.”
“What did you know?” I asked hoping I was really feeling what I thought I was feeling from her.
“I’m falling in love with you and that scares me.” I felt her honesty.
“That’s why you were crying?” I asked.
“Not because I love you, but because I know that you could never reciprocate.” She looked away from me.
I tilted her chin up so that she had to look into my eyes. “You’re wrong.” I placed a soft kiss on her warm lips. “I do reciprocate and I’m not falling in love with you; I’m already in love with you.”
Her eyes were wide with shock. “You love me?”
“Yes, with all of my heart.” I crushed my lips against hers and poured everything that I had been feeling over the past few months into that kiss. I never thought I’d get the opportunity to express my emotions to her. If I could sleep I’d swear I was dreaming. She allowed me to explore her mouth as she melted against my body. I could feel all of the new and exciting feelings emitting from her and in turn I was giddy. She was making me feel things that I had never experienced. I broke the kiss and had to hold her up. I think she was actually lightheaded. She giggled.
“What?” I smiled.
“You’re really good at that,” she blushed.
God, she was beautiful and happy. I don’t think I had ever felt this much happiness coming from her, not even when she was with Edward. “You’re stunning.”
“Not like any of you,” she said.
“The Cullen’s?” I asked.
“Yes, you’re all so amazingly beautiful. I always feel so inadequate.”
“That’s absurd. We are all made to look this way. It’s just part of who we are, but you are so beautiful both on the inside and out. I’ve never felt more pure and genuine emotions from anyone.” I knew she didn’t believe me, but it was the truth. “Take tonight, for instance.”
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“When I showed you the scars on my arms from the newborns, you weren’t repulsed. I felt your grief and sorrow for what I had been through.”
“I could never be repulsed by you.” And, again I was absorbing how genuine her feelings for me were.
I shook my head. “What you saw tonight wasn’t even half of my battle scars. You may feel differently when you see the rest of them.”
She swallowed hard and I knew she was working up the courage to ask me something. “Show me,” she whispered. She took my hand and led me over to the bed where she got on her knees.
I stood facing her and began unbuttoning my shirt. Now seemed as good as a time as any to show her what I was. She looked into my eyes as she moved her hands inside my shirt and slid them down my shoulders revealing my marred chest and torso. I knew it was hideous but I wasn’t feeling that from her. I closed my eyes as she ran her fingers up and down my skin tracing as many crescent shaped marks as she could. Her touch was incredible against my skin. It was as if I was being touched for the first time in my long, miserable existence. My frigid body actually shivered from her warm, soft hands.
“You’re beautiful,” she said.
“No, I could never be. My body is forever marked and it’s a constant reminder of the terrible things I have done throughout my existence.”
“No, Jasper, those things weren’t your fault. You didn’t know there was another way. The things you have done and the scars you have endured make you the man you are today; the man that I can’t seem to stay away from.” She pressed her lips against my blemished chest and began placing soft, open mouthed kisses along my chest and stomach. If I thought her fingertips created an incredible sensation that was nothing compared to how her lips felt against my skin. The electricity that soared through my body was enough to start my dead heart and I so wished that were possible.
I tangled my fingers in the back of her hair as I closed my eyes and threw my head back. “Bella, you don’t have to do that.” No one, not even Alice had ever touched me like this. Sure, I had made love with Alice thousands of times throughout the years, but she never paid any attention to my scars. With Bella it was different; it was as if she was trying to heal these age old wounds. As silly as it seemed; I wanted her to release me from this pain.
“I’m sorry this happened to you Jasper. I wish I could take all of that pain away from you.”
I was the one who took all of the pain from everyone else. No one had ever tried to do that for me and while these scars were in the past she was helping me in ways that I never thought were possible. I gently guided her up to my lips. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“I see you for who you really are,” she said.
I ran my hands up and down her sides and I felt her desire begin to increase. I placed my hands on her hips and leaned into her mouth. “I didn’t come here tonight for this.” I said as I softly kissed her lips. “I’ll stop if you tell me to.”
She kissed me back and I felt her disappointment over my words. She wrapped her arms around my neck and said, “This feels so right, Jasper, I don’t want you to stop.”
I brushed my lips against hers and knew that I had to bring this next fact to her attention. “Alice can see what we are doing now that our minds are made up and Edward will read it in her thoughts. There’s no coming back from this Bella, but if we stop now there will be no consequences.”
“I don’t want to hurt them, but I need you and somehow I think you need me too.”
I kissed her jaw line working my way down to her neck. “You have no idea how much I need you.”
She threw her head back and her lust increased almost to the point where it matched mine. “You can have me, Jasper, all of me.” She was offering herself to me in the most intimate way and I didn’t take that lightly.
I studied her emotions as I looked into her eyes. She was sure. I felt no regret or hesitation coming from her; only love and need. I pulled her tank top up over her head and pulled her chest to mine. I could feel her taut nipples against my marble skin. I reached down between us and unbuckled my belt letting my pants fall to the floor to join my already discarded shirt. I gently placed her on her back as I supported my weight on my forearms. “You’re so fragile; I need to be so careful with you.”
She hooked her leg around my hip and smiled. “I trust you.” I grabbed her thigh and pulled her into my pelvis. The only items that came between us were the thin layers of our under garments and I knew they wouldn’t be in the way for long. I could smell her arousal as it began to seep through her panties. I rubbed my hard erection against the wetness as a low growl escaped my chest. I attacked her mouth with the eagerness I could no longer hide as I ground myself into her soft center. She wrapped her other leg around my hip and thrust her body to meet me. It seemed I wasn’t the only eager one here. I needed to slow our pace or this would be over way too fast, and I wanted to savor every last second.
My lips traveled down her throat as I licked and nibbled my way to her breasts. She moaned and writhed underneath of me and the sensation that her naked little body was creating under mine was enough to send me over the edge. I cupped her breast in my hand as I sucked her nipple into my mouth. She responded by grinding her hips into me as she arched her back to offer me more. I swore I was going to explode every time her hot, wet center came in contact with my cock. She was making it extremely difficult for me to control myself.
I trailed my lips down her stomach and to her waistband. I slipped my tongue underneath of it as I pushed my fingers into her entrance. She slightly parted her legs for me, but I felt her uncertainty. I sucked on her inner thigh as I increased the pressure of my fingers through her panties. They had to go. I quickly slipped them down her legs and tossed them aside. She was glorious lying before me naked and ready to give herself to me. I needed to take her. I stood up to rid myself of my boxer briefs and came to rest on top of her. I ran my lips across her neck and up to her mouth.
As if she anticipated my next question she said, “Jasper, I want this.”
“I’m going to hurt you.” It was unavoidable, but I would try to absorb as much of that pain as possible.
“I can handle it,” she said as she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth. My little vixen.
I slowly kissed her lips as I sent her some relaxing vibes. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and she was bursting with anticipation. I reached down between us and slipped my finger inside her. She was warm and tight and dripping with arousal. I thrust another finger inside of her tight little body and felt her muscles contract. She was forcing me out as she squirmed and tried to close her legs, but I had to get her used to the intrusion or she would never be able to handle what was coming next.
“Sweetheart, if you relax you will enjoy this, I promise.”
“I’m trying, but I’ve never done anything like this before.” She was frustrated by her inexperience.
“We don’t have to do this tonight.” I continued to thrust my fingers in and out of her. She moaned and started to relax under my touch.
“Oh… that feels really good.” She closed her eyes and began to move with me. I increased the pace as I felt her first orgasm building from within her. She gripped my shoulders and screamed out my name.
“Let go, Bella.” I attacked her lips as furiously as my fingers were moving inside of her.
She was wet and ready for me as she came down from her climax. I took her face between my hands and whispered, “I love you,” as I slowly entered her.
“Jasper,” she cried out. I stilled inside of her to let her get used to my size. I sent her a calming vibe so that she could concentrate on what we were sharing. I didn’t want her to focus on the pain.
I slowly pushed into her core a little deeper and I could see the tears sliding down her
cheeks. I kissed them away. “I’m sorry, Bella. Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” she panicked at my question. “I’ll be fine. I want this. I want you.”
I knew she did because I could feel it. With vampire speed I thrust one final time and broke through her thin barrier. She let out a small whimper and tensed up; that wasn’t the problem though. I could feel the blood slowly beginning to trickle onto me. The smell was overwhelming and the venom began to pool in my mouth. I swallowed it back and regained my focus. I needed to get Bella through this and bring her the pleasure that she deserved. I may have craved her blood, but I wanted her body more.
Suddenly Bella began to move her hips in rhythm with me. She seemed to be enjoying it. She wrapped her legs around my hips and yelled out in pleasure. “Harder, Jasper…I need more.”
I did exactly as she had asked plunging deeper and faster. I looked down at her and felt how satisfied she was. I pushed her sweaty hair from her face as I continued to pound into her. She seemed to like it hard and fast. “Bella, can you feel what you’re doing to me? You’re so tight…” I had never felt anything so amazing. I needed her closer. I sat up pulling her into my lap as I wrapped my arms around her closing the space between us. She tightened her legs around my waist and twisted her fingers into my hair.
I eagerly attacked her neck as I ran my tongue over that pulsing vein. I nipped at the skin there and I felt her desire increase. I ran my teeth along her neck and she cried out, “You can bite me…”
That statement jolted my insides and I felt my impending release come racing to the center of my body. “Oh…fuck Bella…you’re going to make me cum.”
I pushed her closer to me as I reached down and rubbed her clit. “Cum with me, sweetheart,” and within seconds we were falling over the edge together. I stayed inside her until she calmed down and her breathing returned to normal. I gently slipped out of her and laid her back on the bed. I quickly went to the bathroom to retrieve a wash cloth so that I could clean her up.
I pulled the covers over her so that she wouldn’t get a chill from my body. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay.”
“You might be sore later.” I laughed.
“But it’ll be a good sore. It will remind me of what happened between us.”
“I have other ways of reminding you.”
“Jasper,” she rolled over to look at me. “Why didn’t you bite me?”
I ran my fingers through her long locks. “Because we already have enough to answer for tonight, and when I bite you I need to be sure it’s absolutely what you want.” I reminded her. “It can’t be a spontaneous decision.”
“But you want to turn me?”
“I’m selfish Bella and I can’t imagine my eternity without you.” I kissed her lips.
“I want to spend forever with you.”
“And you will, but first you need to finish high school and then we will figure out where to go from there.”
“Go?” I felt her confusion.
“We’re not going to be able to stay here with the Cullen’s. Edward and Alice aren’t going to easily accept us and I can’t blame them. Are you sure this is what you want?”
She sighed and I felt how torn she was. “I love you, I know that now, and if leaving Forks is what I have to do in order for us to be together I can do that.”
“The next few days won’t be easy. Edward will come after me and the family will side with him. I may need to leave first.” I hated that thought.
“No!” She panicked. “You can’t leave me now that we’ve found each other.”
“Well, maybe I could call Carlisle and explain to him what happened and see what he suggests.”
“We’ve hurt them all, haven’t we?”
I nodded in response. “The sun will be up soon and by now Edward has probably seen Alice’s thoughts. We don’t have much time.”
She started to cry and that made me feel horrible. “Tell me what you want to do? I’ll do anything for you.”
“Promise you’ll never leave me.”
“I could never leave you, Bella. You are exactly what I have been searching for my entire existence.” I heard my phone ringing from inside my pants pocket. I reached down to the floor to recover it. The display read the one person I wasn’t ready to face, but I figured I needed to get it over with.
“Jazz, I saw everything.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” That was the truth.
“You love her.” She wasn’t asking; she already knew.
“I’ve known that for some time now, but I just didn’t want to believe that you would act on it.”
“Alice, if you knew why did you leave me alone last night?”
“Because I had to clear your path and let you find your fate. If it was me you wanted you wouldn’t be in her bed right now.”
“No, Jazz, I of all people know when something is meant to be and we’re not. If she makes you happy then I want that for you. I’ll keep Edward out of my head long enough for Bella to graduate and for her to properly end things with him.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I love you both and I see your future. Trust me when I say you will be happy.”
“Thank you Alice. I can never repay you for this.”
“We’ll be home tonight and tell Bella that she needs to let Edward go because that’s the only way the two of you can be together.” She hung up the phone.
“She hates me,” Bella said.
I pulled her closer to me and recounted the conversation for her.
“So, I just have to tell Edward?” She asked and I felt her fear and sorrow.
“I’ll tell him for you.” I would never let him hurt her. He needed to blame me for this.
“No, he needs to hear it from me.” She was trying to be brave, but I knew she dreaded the thought of hurting him, and we both knew he wasn’t going to be as understanding as Alice.
“I want to be with you when you tell him, and it doesn’t have to be today.” I told her as I stroked her hair. “Alice will hold him off for a few more weeks.”
“I want you with me always, but yes, it has to be today because according to Alice we can’t be together until we tell him.” I knew she was right. It wasn’t fair to make Alice keep this secret any longer than she had to. “I can’t be away from you.”
“You’ll never have to be. Wherever I am you will be. I love you Bella and I will spend the rest of my existence making you as happy as you have made me today.”
She snuggled into my chest and I could feel the love she had for me growing by the second. For the first time in my life I felt at peace. Calm washed over me as it never had before and even though I wasn’t fully aware of the outcome I knew that it would all work out because I had finally found my reason to exist.
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