Surprise of a lifetime Chapter 6
A/N: In my world Edward never comes back…in case you don’t fully comprehend that it means that in my world the pack is still just Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry and Jacob. We also have not gotten the back story on how Alice and Jasper met. I am changing their initial conversation to meet the needs of this story. In case you hadn’t noticed this isn’t a cannon story, and I’m taking a few liberties. If you don’t like it, press the little X up there in the corner.
Surprise of a Lifetime 6
I slid boneless to the ground after I shut the door. I had just kissed Jasper! I wanted very much for him to knock on the door and take me right then and there; however I knew rationally that it would be better if we went slowly. I had fallen into bed with Eric and spent three and a half years with him, because I thought I was in love. It was only after he left and I realized that I was more relieved than anything that I knew I had never loved him at all. I had enjoyed his company and we were comfortable together, but I was not in love with him. It also turned out that I didn’t know him very well. In fact some of the things I found out after he left, led me to believe I had never known him.
I was bringing a child into this world. I needed to think with a clear head, and not jump right into another relationship just because I found him incredibly hot. I needed to get to know him, and decide if we could make this work. I needed to figure out if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone. I didn’t think I should just start dating once my baby was born. I needed to be in a committed relationship where we planned to be with each other forever.
Those thoughts were far too heavy so soon after seeing Jasper again. The entire day felt like a lifetime. I had gone from happy with my life and everything to wondering about getting into a serious relationship with another Cullen/Whitlock or whatever. I needed some Advil and a hot shower, and then I needed to get into bed.
I could not believe how much I wanted to turn back around and ravage Bella there in her living room, and only Alice’s voice in my head kept me from doing just that. I bet she was boiling mad at me for mucking things up so greatly in only a few short hours. How had I gone from joking around in the diner with Bella and Jake to practically assaulting her in her living room? I had no excuse for my behavior except for the fact that it had been years since I had been with a woman. I wasn’t a one night stand kind of guy and I rarely, if ever dated. There had been a few women over the years however they were few and far between. I hadn’t had the control to be with a human so I had only been with a few vampires during my time as one.
As soon as I had felt Bella’s lust from the kitchen I couldn’t help myself. I had tried so hard to resist, even pulling back at the last second only to have her lean up and kiss me. When I felt her lips against mine I had been totally lost, she could have asked me for anything and I would have been to hell and back to get it for her. Her lips were like warm, moist, pillows. They were so soft and sweet, I felt as though I could have died. I needed to quit thinking about it or I was going to have to take care of the situation in my pants before I got home.
I thought about everything I could think of to calm down. It was no use. I was too worked up. I parked on the side of the road and dug the number she had given me out of my pocket. I dialed the number and waited nervously as the phone on the other side rang. I had almost given up when she picked up the phone on the fifth ring.
“Hello,” she sounded breathless.
“Hey Bella it’s me, Jasper. I called to see if you minded talking to me for a little while?” I asked, wondering if she would think me a fool.
“I don’t mind talking for a bit. I was in the shower, but I’m not feeling very tired so I was planning on reading a book for a while.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I just wanted to talk for a little while. I’m sure you are tired. It’s almost 11:30, I know you mentioned needing to get used to going to bed sooner. I’ll just go, and we can talk tomorrow.” I felt bad for calling her so late, even though I had just left her house not 15 minutes ago.
“Don’t be silly, I actually have trouble sleeping these days anyway so it’s nice to hear your voice.”
“You have trouble sleeping? Why is that?” I was curious about the answer.
“I’ve been having nightmares. It doesn’t make any sense, but they always seem to keep me up the rest of the night afterward.”
“That’s not uncommon during pregnancy. Have you attempted any breathing techniques, or trying to clear your mind before going to bed?”
“I have, however I haven’t had much success. The biggest problem is being able to calm down afterwards, and settle back down into bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, is there anything that helps?” I hoped that there might be something I could do for her.
“Actually there is something that helps, but it’s embarrassing. I couldn’t possibly tell you.” She whispered the last part so quietly I almost couldn’t make it out.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I won’t make fun of you. I promise.”
“If I have another person sleep in the house with me it doesn’t happen. It only started after Eric left, and the night I moved into my new place Jake slept on the couch and I slept fine. I only have the dreams when I’m alone. It’s so silly, but I can’t seem to get over it.”
“I wish there was something I could do, but I doubt you would want me just to come hang out in your house while you slept, that might make them worse.” I sighed heavily because I wanted to make everything better for her. Bella deserved to get a good night sleep.
“Well actually if you wanted to, I wouldn’t mind having you just come over and talk to me. Maybe just having someone here while I’m falling asleep will help. If you don’t want to that’s totally fine. I understand that it’s a weird request, and we’ve just started hanging out, and it might be too much too soon.”
“No, don’t be silly. I said I would do whatever you needed. I just want you to know that you can trust me. You can trust me to keep your secrets, and be there when you fall. I pulled over to call you, so I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I closed my phone as she hung up, and turned the truck around. I hoped that she would feel at ease and be able to talk to me, without feeling awkward about earlier.
I was kicking myself as I arrived for being such an idiot earlier. She didn’t need me sending her such mixed signals. I needed to be a friend. I needed to be a shoulder to cry on, and I needed to keep my paws to myself. I reminded myself of that as I walked up to the door. Bella answered it wearing a sleep shirt and shorts. I was proud of myself for not looking at her too closely and for maintaining eye contact as she asked me in.
“Do you want to lie down on the couch or do you have a chair in your room I could sit in?” I asked as she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and wandered into the kitchen. Her wet hair fell across her shoulders and the scent of strawberries filled the air.
“I have a chair in my room; I’m just going to fix a glass of water first.” She filled a glass and then beckoned me into her room. I followed slowly behind her, wondering if I would have the willpower to be the friend she needed.
“Alright you get comfortable and then tell me what you want to talk about.” I moved the chair closer to her side of the bed and sat down. She looked beautiful as she lay there with shadows and light playing on her face.
“Why don’t you tell me about the college you went to?” She smiled and closed her eyes.
I told her about Brown University in Rhode Island and some of the things I had done to prevent people from finding out about me. I told her about having to eat food in front of people and having to go to Vermont and New Hampshire to hunt. I laughed with her as I told her about Emmett coming to visit and the trouble he had gotten into with Rosie for checking out the co-eds. I told her how much I had missed Forks. How I had been hoping that we would be able to come back. I didn’t tell her that I had been hoping to see her again. I didn’t tell her about how absolutely focused I had been on trying to learn how to shut down my bloodlust. I didn’t mention that I’d had to surround myself with humans to desensitize myself to the smell, resulting in endless trips to the mall, and bookstores.
I looked up and she was asleep. I rose quietly from my chair, and made my way back out to my truck. Tonight had been a good night. I had made a few mistakes along the way, but I truly cared for Bella, more than I could have thought possible after such a short time. I wondered if it was because of what Alice had told me. It was as if thinking about her was some kind of magic because I felt my phone vibrate.
“Hello, Alice. What are you calling about?” I tried to be nonchalant.
“Hello brother dearest. How has your night gone?” I could tell she was leading up to an attack.
“Oh you know, I went to a movie, hung out with Bella and Jake, and drove Bella home. Now I’m on my way home.” I stated.
“Oh really? Is that all you did tonight?” I could tell she was really seething, and I tried to placate her some.
“Look I know I screwed things up, I had forgotten how intense these feelings were though. How could you stand to be around Edward while he was still in denial? How could you stand to watch him with her? I spent most of my time in those days, being anywhere but home. Just the thought of her with someone else had me confessing how I felt today. When she invited me in I had no idea she would bombard me with a wave of lust so strong that I couldn’t help but give into one tiny desire. I kissed her, well technically she kissed me both times, and I just reciprocated. I know I need to go slowly, that she just got out of a relationship, and is pregnant for fuck’s sake. I just needed to taste her. I needed to be close to her once before I showed her how I could be a good guy.” I nearly pleaded with her, this was so hard.
How had she done this for more than half a decade? It had been hard enough living through Edward’s bloodlust for her, I had nearly gone mad. It was only after my almost killing her, that he realized that she was only his singer and nothing more. He had realized Alice was his mate shortly after that, and they had both been infinitely happy ever since. Everyone always seems to think that when you meet your mate it’s just like a fairytale. Sometimes that isn’t the case though. If you aren’t ready for it, it doesn’t affect you.
“I know Jasper, I’m sorry. I just want her to be okay. I just want all of this to work out for you. I always knew that it would work out for me eventually. I had all of the time in the world to wait for Edward to come around, and besides I had already seen it, so I knew it would happen. You on the other hand could ruin this. Bella is still a human, which means that if this doesn’t work out and she leaves, you may never get a chance at forever with her. You have to do this right.” Pixie pleaded back with me and I knew how much this meant to both of us. She already had her happily ever after; we were just trying to secure mine. She was the best friend a person could ask for. She was like my big sister even though I was older and taller than her. She was always trying to do what was best for me.
“I know you do. Hell it’s what I want more than anything. I just have to go slow and take my time. I need to prove the way I feel about her, instead of scaring her off with this crazy story.” I laughed at the thought of telling anyone about Pixie’s vision all those years ago.
“I believe you. Now go home, take a cold shower and start making some plans.” She hung up without even waiting for me to say goodbye, and I laughed quietly to myself.
I drove home without doing much thinking. I needed to take a break from running scenarios in my head. As someone who had survived the newborn wars I was always strategizing everything, playing conversations out in my head to see how people might react to different things, however today I had learned that Bella was unpredictable. I made it safely home and spent the rest of my night trying to get that kiss out of my mind, and failing miserably.
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