Saving Bella Chapter 8
A/N: I don’t own anything: Well except a 5’5” tall Santa that sings Karaoke but yeah he’s in a box also. *whispers* He’s in the closet still too. Shh…
So shout out to my girl Anadabyel for being Awesome! Love you BB!
Man and you guys thought I left you with a cliffy in chapter 7? I’m up at 1:00am. Writing this shit because I can’t get it out of my head. I got myself! Hope you all enjoy!
Saving Bella: Chapter 8
Last time in Chapter 7:
Just then I felt anger and fear and lots of it. I looked at Emmett who didn’t know. I took off running at a fast human speed looking for what was going. I heard Emmett call to and then he caught up “What’s up?” he asked. I couldn’t hear anything but I could definitely feel it. “Fear and Anger, lots of it.” I replied. We got to the parking lot and it was coming from where our cars were parked. Yeah this was my nightmare. I never expected what I saw happening.
Now on to Chapter 8:
I stopped in my tracks. Emmett slowed down but he continued on. He needed to help them and fast. I needed to get control of the situation but I couldn’t get too close. Emmett walked up and wrapped his arm around Rosalie’s waist securing her to his side. It looked just like something any boyfriend would do. “Hey Babe, what’cha doin’?” He asked as he wrenched her subtly away from the figure against his jeep. She was stiff in his arms but didn’t fight him as he walked her back to lean her up against my truck.
My truck, the truck that Bella was sitting in. ‘Ok Major get control of the situation’ my brain told me. They need to find this situation funny. I sent out humor and happiness. And I slowly walked towards them. Emmett began to laugh, Rose began to chuckle and the man that she had pinned up against the side of the jeep started cracking up. Ok maybe I put a little too much into it, but it was Rose I was worried about.
The man she had pinned up against the jeep was laughing so hard he was doubled over. I whispered from a distance for them to get out of here. Knowing they’d be able to hear me without alerting the man. I don’t know why Rose attacked him but Emmett needed to get her out of here before she did something she’d regret. “Let’s get you home, Baby.” Called stated as he walked Rose around to the passenger side of the jeep and put her in. She was still chuckling but her eyes were pitch black with hunger. I walked over holding my breath and guided the hysterical man away from the jeep so they could leave.
Emmett took off and I reigned in the emotions I was sending out. “What was that all about man?” I asked the guy as I leaned him against the back of my truck like a drunk. “I have no idea man.” He chuckled out. He was probably in his early 30’s short dark hair, goatee, green eyes and slightly overweight. He was wearing a dark concert t-shirt, jean shorts and tennis shoes. Despite it being January he had no coat on. I felt the hunger subside as Emmett and Rose left. The burn returned to normal but I was slightly more aware of it than before.
He was still chuckling as I started sending him waves of calm so he could regain composure. He began talking again. “I saw the two girls standing out here, they weren’t talking just standing here so I came to see if they were having car problems. Neither of them looked too happy. I just asked if they needed any help and the blond pushed me up against the side of the car and started sniffing my neck” He said with a chuckle as he shook his head. “It was honestly kind of hot at first but when I told her I was married and not interested, I tried to move and she pushed me back. I tried to push against her but that chick is fucking strong!” He looked me in the eye this time. A little bit of his fear came back. Well humans are supposed to fear us.
“Say I didn’t do anything man I swear!” He emphasized. “I was just trying to help out and she went all psycho-nympho on me or something.” I laughed at that statement. She was sniffing her dinner and he thought she was going to try to rape him or something. Priceless! “Dude she’s just a horny bitch. Don’t worry about her, her man will make sure she’s taken care of. Go home to your family and have a nice night.” I told him while I patted him on the back and walked towards the driver’s door of my truck, shaking my head.
“Yeah Dude have a good night.” He walked away feeling confused and humorous. That man had no clue how close he came to being dinner tonight. I shook my head as I got in the truck. “Are you ok, Darlin’?” I asked Bella. She looked at me as I spoke. She was still here and my heart soared a little knowing that that scene didn’t scare her back into her head. “What happened?” she asked. Even better she just initiated a conversation, sort of.
“Is what the man said true? Did he just come to ask you guys if you needed help and Rose attacked him?” I already knew it was. I couldn’t sense anything from him that said otherwise, that’s why I let him go. She nodded her head. I quirked an eyebrow and nodded my head for her to continue. “He just asked if we were having car trouble and Rose pushed him against the car like he said. I got scared so I got in the truck. I thought maybe he was going to attack us and that’s why Rose attacked him first.” She spoke slowly but there was a little feeling in her voice. For the first time since I got here she was not monotone.
“Well he wasn’t trying to attack anyone, Bella. He really just thought maybe you guys need help.” I started the truck and began heading for Forks. “His blood called to her, like your does to…” I almost said his name damn it I need to be careful! She looked out the windshield. “Bella, that was your fear I was feeling when I was still in the building right?” I know it was. The man was only slightly afraid of Rose but it did not account for the fear I felt. I wanted her to tell me about it. Did she just say she was scared the man was going to attack them? She wasn’t scared that Rose was getting ready to have a meal? Leave it to Bella.
Her words brought me out of my reverie “I did it on purpose so you guys would come and help.” She stated as if she was discussing the social page in the news paper. I gaped at her. “You can give off that strong of an emotion voluntarily?” I really didn’t think I wanted to know the answer. She just nodded her head. Even more surprising how did she know she could do this? Something is going on and I need to find out what. “Bella how can you do that? How did you even know it would work? Which it did by the way.” I was very confused not to mention pissed that she was so close to Rose who was losing it.
I waited patiently for her to answer. “I didn’t” was all she said. “You didn’t know it worked? Or you didn’t know you could do that?” I asked. “I didn’t know if it would work.” She responded quietly. “Ok, so how did you know you could do that?” this was the real question along with how she can just turn it on and off from me. The answer to this question might get me closer to the answer to the other one. “Well I knew I could do it because it’s worked every other time I’ve tried to let you feel my emotions. This time it had to be something that would make you come quickly so I had to…” she trailed off. At that point I guessed what she had to do.
“You had to scare yourself?” I asked. She nodded. “You used the memory from the day HE left didn’t you?” I needed to know. Was this what she was feeling after he left her? It was sheer terror. She slowly nodded her head. My instinct was to growl. He made her feel that! What did he do to her? I really wanted to put my arm around her and bring her close to my side but I didn’t. Between my own thirst and Rose’s recent encounter with her singer, I couldn’t be sure that Bella was safe that close to me. Her scent was already intoxicating as it swirled around in the warm cab of the truck. It didn’t help that I was murderously enraged at Fuckward right now either.
So I explained that I wanted to hold her but I didn’t think it was a good idea right now. She just nodded her head. “Bella I don’t think I’m gonna be able to stay for dinner tonight either. I need to hunt. But I will be back in time for bed, ok?” She simply nodded. “Are you gonna eat dinner?” I really wanted to know if she thought she could eat. She seemed to debate about it just a little too long. “Bella.” I said with a growl. “I’m not that hungry.” She stated. “Bella, would you eat if I was there to eat with you?”
I really didn’t want to eat pizza and I needed to hunt but if she’ll eat with me, then she’s the priority. I’ll eat the pizza and leave right after to hunt. “Maybe.” She answered. Gosh she’s a brat! “Would you eat if Emmett was there to eat with you?” I asked. I didn’t know if he’d do it since he just got done with popcorn but it would be safer for her and Charlie if it wasn’t me. She shook her head no. Well that answers that question. “So you wanna torture me is that it?” I asked with a chuckle.
She looked over at me with a blankness that slowly became sad. “It’s torture for me.” She said quietly in a sad voice. And then the blankness returned. Not in full thank heavens, but it was back. “Bella why? Why is eating torture?” I was surprised by her answer and saddened by it. Did she really want to torture me? I was just joking. “You don’t like it anymore than I do but for a different reason.” She stated in a monotone voice. That was back. “Well we all know my reason, what’s yours?” I asked. Hoping she would answer. I still knew so little about what was going on with her.
She looked down to her lap and answered “I don’t wanna live. Food keeps me alive and I don’t want to be alive anymore. It doesn’t taste good. And I don’t get hungry anymore.” OH SHIT! What do I do? If I say the wrong thing she’s going to retreat. What I really want to do is shake her until she sees sense! Holy Cow! She really wants to die. “Bella? Have you tried to kill yourself? Or hurt yourself in any other way?” I needed to know how far this has gone. Hopefully she’ll tell me the truth. “No and yes” she answered after a few minutes.
Deep calming breathes whether I need them or not. I can’t yell, I can’t yell, I can’t yell. I can kill Fuckward! I can hunt the mother fucker down and shred him until he looks like he was attacked with a cheese grater. “Bella. Please tell me. I won’t tell Charlie I promise.” I asked as calmly as I could through gritted teeth. I already knew she’d be worried he would find out. He had told me he was worried about her but he said she hadn’t done anything else to hurt herself. I guess he was wrong.
“Jasper, all I do every day is wish for death. Wish for a bus to hit me, a building to collapse on me, an animal to attack me. But I can’t do it myself. I’ve learned to cope by cutting myself. The sight of blood makes me faint and for a while I don’t have to deal with anything. I feel better for a short time. It doesn’t take a lot of blood. When I do it I don’t have to feel. I go numb. It’s easier now. I don’t do it as much as I did in the beginning. I haven’t done it since you’ve been back because I don’t want you to smell it. You already blame yourself for what happened and I won’t let it be an accident. But Jasper if you want a willing human, I’m here.” She spoke directly too her hands with the exception of the last sentence. The words where she offered herself to me for a meal. I’m glad I didn’t eat the popcorn because I think I’m going to be sick.
Cheese grater isn’t good enough. I’m going to shred him and burn half. I pulled the truck over. We were almost to her house and I couldn’t drive anymore, nor could I have this conversation at her home.
“Bella, I’m so sorry for all that you have been through Darlin’. I truly am. But honey, you have plenty to live for. I know it may not feel like it but that’s because you’ve stopped feelin’. Please think about how your parents would feel. How I would feel and my whole family. I know you’re upset with us and I can’t say I blame you but don’t let yourself be ruined by HIM. Let me stay with you, help you, for as long as it takes. I’ve told you before, I. Will. Not. Leave. You.” I pleaded with her. I didn’t know what I could say to make it better.
I went for the truth. “Bella if I have to eat 3 meals a day for the next 20 years for you I will. And I’m serious Darlin’.” She looked up at me and tears began to well in her eyes. Any hunger I was feeling earlier had easily been replaced by revulsion and anger so I reached over and dragged her to sit in my lap. She curled up there and let the tears fall. Ten minutes later she asked “Really?” and “YES” was all I could say as I sent her my emotions. Seriousness and love. I couldn’t tell her I loved her. Not yet. But I could let her feel it, feel the love for one person to another. Not my true love for her, she couldn’t handle that yet and I don’t think I could either.
“Let’s get you home. I can’t wait to have some pizza.” I said excitedly. She just looked at me. Not any real emotion but I could tell she was trying. She was trying to come back from the black hole she had put herself in. I cleaned the tears off her cheeks and left her curled up in my lap while I drove her home. Totally illegal and totally worth it. I always wanted her in my arms.
We got to her house and had pizza. Yep I ate 1.5 slices and so did she. We weren’t quite as blatant about it as we were with the eggs or popcorn but we still made eye contact with every bite. Charlie was glad to see she was still responding to him. He invited me to stay for the evening but I declined letting him know I needed to go see Emmett and Rose. Bella walked me to the door and I kissed her cheek goodbye. Charlie saw us from the living room and smiled gently at me. I was winning him over and hopefully Bella too.
I got home, got rid of my pizza while Emmett and Rose laughed at me. Then I went to hunt. I made sure to eat all I could while I was out. I needed to get back to Bella’s but I needed to talk with Rose and Emmett too. I told them about the conversation I had with Bella in the truck. Rose vehemently apologized for the incident in the parking lot. Though she was angry with herself, she was glad Emmett and I saved the day, as it were. She had now experienced her singer and he lived to tell the tale. We were proud of her. She managed to argue with her animal side long enough for help to get there. Or as Emmett put it, she played with her food long enough. That earned him a smack in the back of the head.
I asked Emmett and Rose what they thought of my idea for helping Bella out at school and explaining to Charlie why I was there. They enthusiastically agreed it was a good idea. Rose would take care of the records tonight while I was at Bella’s and we decided Emmett could escort Bella to school, assuming she was willing. Then I would go talk to administration tomorrow at the beginning of the day to get things squared away. I headed over to Bella’s house when all that was settled.
I let myself in the front door after making sure Charlie was in his room. I made my way to Bella’s room and checked Charlie’s emotions, heart rate and breathing to determine he was asleep and sent him some lethargy to keep him that way. Bella was sitting in the middle of her bed with the lamp on reading her newly acquired book. I smirked at that.
“Waiting for me?” I asked.
She looked at me and nodded. “About tomorrow Darlin’. I know we didn’t get a chance to talk about school since you yelled at me and such, could we talk real quick before you go to bed.” I asked her tentatively hoping she didn’t start yelling again. She nodded again. ‘Glad to know her neck muscles work so well’ I thought sarcastically. I walked over to the side of the bed, took my shoes off and sat down next to her. She started to scoot over to make room, instead I grabbed her under the arms picked her up and scooted myself under her. Placing her gently back down in my lap. I was really probably taking advantage but I just couldn’t help myself. If she would have argued I would have let her move but she didn’t. “Well Emmett, Rose, and I have come up with a plan and I know you said you didn’t need to be baby sat at school, so I thought we could compromise. What do you think?” I asked her as I wrapped my arms securely around her waist and pulled her closer into me. Smelling her wonderful Freesia and vanilla scent along with her strawberry shampoo. She nodded again and I growled a warning growl at her.
Growling has proved effective in the past. It worked this time too. “Well that depends, what did you have in mind?” She asked. “See now that is a question and different from a head nod.” I chuckled at her to let her know I wasn’t mad. I held her and told her my idea. She agreed that that would be okay and she was even agreeable to Emmett bringing her to and from school. She also agreed that he could hang around after school tomorrow but asked that Rose stay home. She was still setting limits and I was willing to work with her on that. I asked her one more question before I put her bed.
“Bella? You said you’ve been cuttin’ yourself, where? How bad?” I asked tentatively. I really wanted to know but I was scared of the answer. She scooted out of my lap and turned to face me. “Do you want me to tell you or show you?” she asked while looking me in the eye with a distant look. “Whichever you prefer Darlin’.”
She pulled up her shirt to show me her stomach. I thought seeing her in the parking lot earlier today with a ravenous vampire was my worst nightmare. I think I was wrong. What I saw on her stomach were so many scars I couldn’t even discern where some began and others end. I know I have my own scars but mine weren’t voluntary. She easily had a hundred scars and about 10 that were scabbed over. I couldn’t believe I didn’t smell that. I think because she’s had them since I’ve been back. I just assumed the strength of her smell was just her. I shook my head and pulled her into me.
I hugged and rocked her. Comforting myself as much as her. She shouldn’t have to do this. She should be a happy, beautiful, strong, young woman. She appears to be stronger when she does use her voice but she doesn’t voice her needs and opinions often. After a few minutes I turned her to look me in the eye and held her chin in place. “Anywhere else Bella?” I asked. She nodded and my stomach churned again. “Where?” I asked. She started to move and I held her firmly. “Tell me.” I said.
Never letting her look away though she tried to free her chin. She finally closed her eyes. She couldn’t look me in the eye and tell me. My heart was breaking again. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She’s so broken. I will save Bella if it’s the last thing I do. She opened her eyes again and they were full of tears this time. “My thighs”. She whispered so quietly if I hadn’t been a vampire I wouldn’t have heard her.
I pulled back in and hugged her. “No more Bella, please. Let me help you. Please. No more.” I asked. She let me feel her acceptance and sadness. I wasn’t prepared and the sadness was overwhelming. “Bella do you feel like this all the time?” I choked out. “Yes.” She answered and continued “the cutting helped me to numb it. I think this is how I learned to control what you feel from me. I learned how to block my pain from the outside world. I deserve to suffer; you shouldn’t have to feel this.” I shook my head “Bella quit puttin’ that wall up and let me help you, Darlin’. I can help. You don’t deserve this. No one deserves to feel the pain that you are feelin’. You did nothin’ wrong. Why do you think you deserve this?” I had to ask I truly do not understand her.
“I’m nothing special Jasper. I knew I wasn’t good enough for….” Her pain spiked and she couldn’t finish her sentence. “Who said you weren’t good enough for HIM? Frankly Bella you were too good for HIM. He didn’t deserve you.” I stated with conviction. “He did.” She whispered. I couldn’t stop the growl that came up, but it didn’t scare her. “Bella, please tell me what happened that day?” I requested. She shook her head. “Not today.” I nodded. “Ok. Get some reset Sweetheart, we’re still on for tomorrow right?” I couldn’t push her. I couldn’t lose how vocal she had become tonight. She nodded and we both scooted to lie on the bed. She got under the covers and tucked her similarly to the night before and brought her against my chest. She was asleep within five minutes on her own. I just let her be for a while until her fear and sadness spiked. Then I calmed her and kept her that way for the rest of the night. I didn’t help Charlie much tonight. I realized his lack of sleep was due to Bella’s screaming. So as long as she slept well, he should too. I shot Emmett a text letting him know he was on in the morning. And spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how I could save the angel in my arms.
Granted when I thought of everything she told me today I also thought about the many ways to kill Fuckward. I also needed to decide what to do about the wolves. I think a call with Carlisle would be good. Or I guess I should speak with Rosalie. She was here when the treaty was made. I need to know if the treaty is still good. They didn’t show it but they were mad today. Very mad. I can’t say that I blame them but I am going to fix this. Of course they don’t want us anywhere near humans. And frankly I don’t want that uncontrollable one near Bella. I wonder if she knows what they are? Just one more question.
I feel like I have more questions than answers.
I also had to prepare myself mentally for tomorrow. I wasn’t looking forward to it but I knew it was the right thing on some level. Emmett and Rose were also working on a story as to why they were here. I knew why I was here. Well the story for the public anyway.
Charlie was the first up this morning so I hid while he checked on Bella and his happiness and relief for Bella was welcoming compared to the emotions she was giving off. I crawled back onto the bed with her and woke her up when it was time. “Good mornin’ Darlin’.” I drawled heavily to try to start to her day on a positive note. She looked at me and nodded, she grabbed her stuff and headed for the bathroom. I stayed until she was ready to join Charlie for breakfast. “I’ll see you in a little bit, don’t forget to tell Charlie that Emmett is taking you to school.” She nodded and I walked over and gave her a hug.
“Please Darlin’. Know that everythin’ is gonna be ok.” She nodded again and I gave her the look. “I know Jasper. I just don’t feel like talking right now.” I nodded in reply with a smirk. “You are gonna tell Charlie right?” I asked again to make sure that she was verbal enough for that. She nodded. I sighed. “We are gonna work on this head bobbin’ thing Darlin’ I’m afraid you’re gonna hurt your neck.” I smiled at her. She looked at me and let me feel her amusement before she reeled her feelings back in.
I know she said it was a conscious effort but I almost think it isn’t. I couldn’t feel her emotions when I got here and that was before she knew I was here. She’s not keeping them from just me. She’s shielding herself from everyone. The blank stares and lack of intonation are all part of it too. I hugged her again and left out the window to go get ready for school.
A/N: I got an awesome response to the last chapter. Many people loved Emmett eating popcorn and many want to shoot me for the cliffy I left you with. Keep up with reviewing I can’t believe I have over a 100! You all rock! Reviews really do make me want to keep writing. I love reading your thoughts and questions. If you have a question, don’t be afraid to ask. It may be something I accidently overlooked.
So now that you know what was going on in the parking lot was it disappointing? A surprise? Awesomeness beyond belief? Let me know what you thought. After all I don’t think I do another cliffy quite that well!
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