Saving Bella Chapter 5
A/N: I don’t own anything: Well a husband but that hardly counts.
Saving Bella: Chapter 5
Last time in Chapter 4
We still needed to have this conversation. I needed to find a movie to take her to tomorrow. I needed to take care of the rat-bastards that I left in the alley. And I needed to make sure she got a decent night’s sleep again tonight. I never typically felt busy but Bella is apparently high maintenance. No Bella’s not, saving her from her inner demons is. I groaned internally. I have a lot of work to do.
Just then my phone beeped with an incoming text.
Now on to Chapter 5:
As I dropped Bella off at home I decided to let her know I’d be back to help her sleep. She already knew it was me anyway. “Bella, I’m going to go home and take care of a few things but I’ll be back in time for bed to help you sleep, ok Darlin’?” I knew I was giving her a choice though I planned on helping her whether she wanted me to or not. She nodded and hopped out of the truck. I watched her go into the house. The lights were on so I knew the Chief was home.
I had decided while we were at the restaurant that she had had enough for one day and we could talk more in the morning. She agreed I could come over again in the morning and we could talk. Of course her agreement was simply a head nod. She seriously needed to start talking or I was going to have an aneurysm. I don’t think that’s possible for a vampire but maybe I should check with Carlisle cause this woman is killing me. I’m typically a quiet guy but even I’m not this quiet!
I got home and called Emmett. He really needed to know what he was getting in to by coming here. I guess I should have known he’d want to see Bella. He was as upset as Alice was about leaving her behind. He really did feel protective of her. I didn’t know if I should tell her. I didn’t want her flipping out at the Chinese place so when I got the text I just ignored it. I didn’t respond and I didn’t mention to her what it said though I’m sure she was curious.
Emmett: I’m comin 2 c my lil sis!
I checked my texts again making sure I didn’t miss anything. Not that I ever do. Being a vampire ensures I hear and feel things other people may miss, but I feel off being around Bella. Maybe because I can’t feel her emotions. I dialed Emmett.
“What’s up bro?” He answered. I rolled my eyes. He sounded so chipper and I felt anything but. It would be nice to have him around here. He was genuinely happy most of the time and his enthusiasm is a welcome emotion.
“Emmett I got your message. Sorry I was with Bella and didn’t respond”. I stated solemnly.
“Dude! I know! Alice was texting her, err you. Anyway Rose and I are on our way there. Carlisle said she was sick. What’s goin’ on dude?” He was excited and concerned I could tell that just by listening to him.
I knew Rose wasn’t a Bella fan and I wasn’t too happy to have her coming with Emmett but they are a package deal I guess. I launched into Bella’s story. I left nothing out. I wanted Rose to hear about the men, not because she’d want to kill them but hopefully to gain some sympathy for Bella. Neither of them interrupted until I was done.
“Dude that’s fucked up.” Emmett stated in a solemn tone. ‘Well I effectively killed his buzz.’ I thought wryly to myself. “I know” I responded. I also didn’t want to have to tell Rose to be good but I felt I needed to say something. “Rose..” she cut me off.
“Jasper, I know, ok…I know”. Ummm…wasn’t sure what she meant by that and my hesitation was enough for her to give an explanation. “I know I haven’t always been that nice to Bella. Hell it’s because of her we had to move from our home..” “Roossee” I growled in warning. “Let me finish!” she shrieked.
I waited. “I’m not a Bella fan ok. But she is sick, she truly sounds like she’s damn near deaths door and it’s because of us. I didn’t like her because I didn’t want our family disrupted this way. It’s too late for that. And Fuckward” she chuckled “as you call him really did screw her up good. No one deserves to be going through what she is. I’ve talked to Emmett about this as we’ve been driving and I’ve promised him and I’ll promise you the same thing. I will not be mean to Bella, anymore.” I was stunned. I was happy. I wasn’t going to have to fight this battle. I was relieved.
“Thank you, Rose” I said with a smile. “Thank you, Baby” Emmett said. “Now what about those assholes you beat up Jazz?” Oh yeah still gotta take care of that issue huh. I told her my plan and although it wasn’t what she wanted she agreed it was decent enough. “Oh Alice just sent a text to my phone” Rose stated.
We waited for her to read it to us “All it says is: ‘I just took care of it for you guys, just take care of Bella’ is she talking about the morons?” Another text beeped in “yes” Rose read. We all chuckled. Leave it to Alice. I’m sure she’s been working on that since I made the decision to do it. That did make me wonder something. “How come Alice isn’t with you guys?” I asked.
“She said it wouldn’t be good for her to show up now” Rose answered. “That’s all she said, she wouldn’t give us any details”. I nodded my head even though they couldn’t see it. Alice had a reason for everything she did. “So when are you guys going to get here?” I asked.
“Probably around noon tomorrow, Bro. I’m totally excited to see my little sister. Do you think she’ll be happy to see us?” He started out excited but his last question let his anxiety creep in. I almost felt bad for him. He truly loved Bella and didn’t want to be rejected. “I think it’s best if I let her know your coming. I can’t say what her reaction will be. She typically doesn’t have one. And I can’t feel her emotions when she’s awake, so I don’t know” I answered honestly. I couldn’t let him get his hopes up too much he would just get his heart stomped on.
“Wow, she’s that bad, huh? I keep hoping you are exaggerating things Jazz.” He stated quietly. “I’m not, I honestly don’t think words can do it justice, she like dead inside Em and her exterior is quickly following. Shit she looks more dead than we do!” I sighed. “I have to save her guys, this is all my fault”. I said morosely.
“No!” “Knock it off!”
Rose screeched as Emmett simultaneously yelled his command. This isn’t new for us. Alice got tired of hearing it. Everyone got tired of hearing it. I blamed myself for breaking the family up. I honestly didn’t care that much about Edward leaving the family but Esme did and Carlisle did. Alice and he had a special bond as well because of their gifts. Emmett, Rose, and I were closer so it made sense that they were coming now to help me with Bella.
Would the three of us be enough to save Bella? I looked at the clock and it as getting late. I ended my call with Emmett and Rose and made my way to the Swan residence again. If nothing else those two were going to sleep well tonight! Bella and I would need to talk in the morning.
When I arrived her window was cracked so I knew she was expecting me. I listened for Charlie and he was in his room snoring. I listened for Bella and she was in her room, heart beat and breathing even. But no emotions. Shit she’s awake.
I don’t know what to expect. But I can always just knock her out and deal with it in the morning. I’m sure that would probably make her angry though. Come to think of it, she did thank me for helping her sleep last night. Maybe this would be ok. I smiled. I’m not going in through the window. I’m going to use the front door like a normal person. I’m not a monkey. Not that it’d be difficult but it’s just the principle of the matter.
I went to the door using the hidden key I saw her use earlier I let myself in. I made my way silently upstairs and shot some lethargy towards Charlie. He needed his sleep too. His snoring deepened and I made my way to Bella’s door. I knew I was going to scare her. The I decided I could let her know I was here before I opened the door. I sent out a wave of happiness. Since I knew she could feel me now. I waited. “Jasper?” he voice questioned after a couple minutes and I opened the bedroom door. She didn’t jump, didn’t move. She was facing me with her back to the cracked window.
I smiled at her. “Evenin’ Darlin’, what are you still doin’ up?” She still had the haunted look. The look of pain and not just any pain but cutting pain down to her very soul. It broke my heart to see her with that expression. I continued the happiness and added a small amount of calm to relax her. I waited for an answer. Everything seemed to be beyond slow motion with her. “I was waiting for you” she finally said in a small voice.
I smiled at her. “Well I’m here now Darlin’ are you ready to sleep?”she yawned an adorable little yawn and nodded her head. Did I just think her yawn was adorable? Adorable? Ok file that information away for after she’s asleep. I had to touch her. To know she was ok. And I know she needs comedy, it gets her eyes to spark. Of course so does anger but I’m going to avoid that emotion. We’re going for humor here.
I walked over to the side of her bed where she was facing me. “Good night, Sweetheart” I whispered into her ear. And the little shiver came. She looked up at me “Good night, Jasper” she said quietly probably still wondering why I’m leaning over her. I smirked. I sent her my humor and put my hands on either side of her body and quickly tucked all the blankets in under her body from her shoulders to her feet. I did it at my speed so it was done before she knew what happened.
I looked back at her face when I was done and I was shocked. Her eyes were almost glowing. They had teared up but had the spark in them. And a small smile played at the corner of her lips. I didn’t know what this meant. Damnit why can’t I feel her emotions? She bit her lip ever so slightly almost like she didn’t want me to notice the action.
“Bella what’s wrong? Why are you cryin’ Darlin’?” I knelt at the side of the bed and was face to face with her. She didn’t move to untuck herself, she just laid there staring at me with the teary eyes. Damn I didn’t mean to make her cry. I just was playing. “Honey? What’d I do? I didn’t mean to make you cry I was just playin’. I’m sorry.”
While I pleaded with her with my eyes I internally wondered if I was over doing the loving nicknames. Why wasn’t she answering me? Four minutes passed with us just staring at each other finally she said “Thank you” in a whisper and closed her eyes. The tears she had been holding back fell. And I think a piece of my cold dead heart broke off with each one. I didn’t care anymore. I had to fix this. If I fell in love with her on the way then so be it. I couldn’t stand to see her in pain. I couldn’t not touch her in an effort to comfort her. So I did what any man would do. I wiped away her tears with my thumbs. I kissed her on the nose. And her eyes flew open.
I smiled warmly at her and shook my head. Answering the silent question. No she had nothing to worry about. She closed her eyes and I opened her bedroom door. It was easier to get to Charlie that way. I curled up next to her and pulled her burritoed body into mine. She tensed for a second. I whispered “It’s ok Bella go to sleep I’m here and we’ll talk in the morning.” She relaxed just a little and I pulled her a little bit closer. I sent her calmness and lethargy until she was sound asleep.
As the morning dawned I had to leave Bella to shut her bedroom door. Charlie did not need to come out of his room across the hall to see me lying in bed with his daughter. No matter how innocent it was. I knew I was developing feelings for Bella. I just didn’t know what to do about it. I had all night to think about it. The conclusion I came to? Oh shit and Oh well. They battled it out in my head and came up with uh-oh. When I heard Charlie open his bedroom door I hid in the closet I knew he’d probably check on Bella. He was curious when he checked on her.
As he closed the door relief and happiness were dominant for him. That made me happy. He slept well and he knew Bella did too. Those were the little wars won. I stopped helping Bella sleep around 5 am. It was 8:00 and she was still asleep but she was starting to stir. Since I had kept her sedated all night her emotions were nothing but peaceful. However now some grief, sadness, anger, and fear started to trickle in. I didn’t want to put her back to sleep but I didn’t want her to feel that either so I rocked her shoulder sending her calm and happy feelings, trying to wake her up. “Bella? Bella, Darlin’?”
I was back to lying on the bed next to her. It seemed important to be in the same place I was when she went to sleep. As she opened her eyes she felt confused and frantic for a moment. She looked into my eyes and felt relief. That seemed odd. She was relieved to see me? Until I realized she was scared I was going to leave. Damn that Fucktard if I ever get my hands on him it won’t be soon enough.
I smiled at her and let her feel my calmness. She had more light to her eyes. They weren’t as haunting dead as they had been. The circles under her eyes were better today too. Now we just needed to get some meat on her bones and we were in business. She snuggled into my chest and closed her eyes again. I had to chuckle. I can’t blame her she hasn’t been sleeping for months and she was content to sleep.
I also can’t argue that I liked having her this close. Her warmth radiated through the blankets and into my skin. It felt wonderful. I relished it all night long and right now I was getting it for a few more minutes willingly. I wrapped my arms around her and just held her to my chest. This felt right. As wrong as I knew it was it felt good. Her blood still wasn’t overly tempting despite our closeness but I did notice it was a bit more difficult today. I was going to have to hunt tonight for sure.
It hadn’t been quite a week since I last ate but the closeness with Bella and her constant scent and warmth made it a bit more uncomfortable. Still manageable for today though. Maybe Emmett can sit with her tonight while I hunt for a bit. Oh shit Emmett and Rose. “uhh..Bella? Darlin’? I know you’re comfy and what not but we really do need to talk and that includes you joining in with words.” She looked up at me her eyes still haunted but they had more depth to them. I consider it a small victory.
She nodded and squirmed to get out of the blankets. I chuckled I really did tuck her in tight. But I wasn’t going to help her unless she asked for it. So I laid there and chuckled at her. With a huff and frustration coming from hershe finally asked “Jasper can you help me out of here, please?” I smirked at her and yanked her quilt straight up to avoid rolling her on to the floor. She let out a little yelp in surprise but made no other comment. She got some clothes and headed for the door. “Uhh..Bella?”
She turned to look at me, but again said nothing. “I have to run home and get changed” I pointed to yesterday’s clothes. “So I’ll just be back in an hour. Tell me Darlin’ will I be having breakfast again with you?” I smirked at her with an eyebrow raised in question. I really didn’t want to but I needed to know. And I’ll be damned if she didn’t look like she was debating the answer. I raised both my eyebrows at her. She was feeling a bit mischievous and I just gaped at her.
“It’s up to you Jasper” she said quietly with a smile tugging at her lips. Her emotions closed off from me she turned around and headed for the bathroom. I gaped at the space that she used to be standing in. That little sneak was going to make me eat with her, Again! I sighed. If she ate that’s all that matters. I ran home showered, changed, and got my truck. I drove back up in front of the Swan residence an hour later.
“Jasper, good to see you son!” Charlie called from the front door as I got out of my truck. I briefly shook his hand as I walked in. He was happy. I guess he saw Bella. She’s by no means back to herself but she’s getting better. “Son, I don’t know what you did with her yesterday she wouldn’t tell me but that is definite improvement and she slept through the whole night. She looks so much better! I don’t know how to begin to thank you!” yep he was happy. I smiled at him and told him I took her to the book store, coffee shop, and then dinner. She ate quite a bit too. He just beamed at me.
“I’m sorry I ever had any doubts about your being here. She’s up in her room I think. She’s already had breakfast and she ate that too!” He was elated. I sighed internally. Thank God she wasn’t going to make me eat! I would have too. I shook my head as I thought about the things I would do for this woman, what lengths I would go to. And I knew. ‘Yep fallin’ hard and quick there Major’ my internal voice told me.
“Should I go up?” I asked. He didn’t really indicate that he was going to call her down. She had to know I was here Charlie was being very loud and I’m sure she could have heard my truck pull up as well. “Yeah, just go on up. I hope she didn’t go back to bed. She came down this morning and she a light in her eyes, she said ‘good morning’ to me without me saying it first, she ate her food as soon as I put it in front of her and she thanked me for making breakfast. Do you know that’s the most she’s said to me without prompts in 4 months?” Charlie felt sad now and I hated to bring him down off his buzz so I shot him some excitement “That’s great Charlie! I told her I was taking her to a movie today, you don’t mind do you?”
He looked at me and there was curiosity but he didn’t act on it. “that’s fine, Son, get her out of the house. If you can bring my daughter back to me better than when you left, I can’t argue.” He smiled at me genuinely. I returned the smile and headed for the stairs. Charlie wasn’t talking to me but I heard him mumble to himself ‘I hope he’s careful, entrusting my daughter to HIS brother’ he was angry but hopeful. I wanted to tell him he could trust me but he couldn’t know I heard him.
I found Bella sitting on her bed reading A Portrait of Dorian Gray. I chuckled to myself. That is such an appropriate book. She looked up at me, she didn’t smile but she nodded. I went and sat down right next her. I threw my arm around her shoulders and pulled her in. “How’s it goin’ Baby?” I chuckled as I let her feel my humor. After all I was slightly serious when I called her baby I had to play it off somehow.
She let me feel her, Thank You I silently prayed to the heavens. She opened up to me. She was sad, very very sad, bewildered even but the humor was there. She was looking me in the eyes and they still had some vacancy but she was moving back in. “We need to talk, is now a good time?” I asked in all seriousness.
She closed her book and put it on the bedside table. She angled her body towards me indicating she was listening but she didn’t say anything. “Are you going to participate in this conversation because I don’t feel like talkin’ to a tree today?” I asked her with a smirk. “I’ll talk” she answered quietly. I almost felt the need to hug her for that, but I settled for squeezing her hand. She continued to hold my hand afterwards and this did not go unnoticed.
I smiled and began; I thought good news was the way to go. “Darlin’ I have some news before we get too far into anything. I hope you won’t be upset but I did tell the family what was going on. As you know Alice has been in contact too. And well Emmett is coming to see you.” I finished quickly. She was furious, she was also so sad. She was letting me feel it. But her face was blank. I saw the light dim ever so slightly. Shit! She’s checking out. “Bella, Bella its ok honey, he really wants to see you, and he was so mad and upset when we left he hasn’t been the same. He’s tried Darlin’ he still makes jokes and plays but he always has a wistfulness about him. He really loves you and he’s so excited to see you again.” I pleaded with her to understand.
“He loves me? He’s excited to see me? He’s not the same!?!” She started yelling “Do I even get a say in this!?! Does anyone care what I want!?!” She started to cry. I pulled her into my lap and hugged her. “Of course we do Darlin’, Do you not want to see him? I can call him right now and tell him to turn around they should be here in a couple of hours though.” She was still crying feeling defeated but her anger spiked again. “They?” she questioned through gritted teeth.
I knew this wasn’t going to go over well. She didn’t know Rosalie had changed her opinion. “Uhh…yeah, Emmett and Rose they left yesterday and will be here about noon.” I said sheepishly. “Rose? Oh that’s just great!” she mumbled. Anxiety, self-loathing, and despair colored her emotions and I hurried to make it right. “Bella, like I said it’s ok, Rose doesn’t hate you, she never did, she didn’t want what happened to happen.”
Somehow I managed to dig the hole deeper for myself with that statement. “She KNEW this was going to happen!?! She KNEW you were all going to LEAVE ME!?!?” She seethed. I scrubbed my face with my hands and raked them through my hair. I was surprised Charlie wasn’t up here yet yelling at me to get out. She was yelling and crying. I listened for him and I could hear his heart slightly elevated in the living room. He had the t.v. on and was watching a game of some kind. I don’t know if he just wasn’t listening to us or trying to ignore us but he was projecting anger and curiosity, So I’m guessing it was the latter.
“Bella, No, ok, no she didn’t know we were gonna to leave. She actually thought we were gonna to have to leave first because you were HIS singer, then because HE was tryin’ to be close to you and she was worried HE was gonna to slip and we’d have to move because of that. She was worried because she thought you were gonna change the family and you did. She’s not angry about it anymore. She knows they’all love ya and they’re all hurtin’ too Darlin’. Emmett isn’t the same, Esme is always sad, Carlisle tries but he’s affected too much by Esme’s sadness. Alice is beside herself with grief, she’s not the perky girl you knew in school. And me, well I have to deal with all their issues plus my own guilt for havin’ caused the sit’iation to begin with.” I hung my head in shame and I let her feel it too.
“You’ll never know how sorry I am Darlin’. I will try to make it up to you every day from now on if you’ll let me. You can use and abuse me how ever you want and I’ll never complain…I ruined your life….I’m sorry”. The last apology came out as nothing more than a whisper. I couldn’t look at her. Honestly if I could cry I think I could be crying right now. As it is I was never one to cry in front of women but even with Bella I would. I want her to know how sorry I truly am.
She closed off her emotions and I looked up at her. Right before they were gone the last thing I felt was guilt. What does she have to be guilty for? She never did what you expected. This time though I kind of expected it. I looked into her eyes and she as gone. She was looking through me. I needed her back. I couldn’t let her go back to that place she’s been for months. And Oh God Charlie! He would want to try to kill me.
At that moment I knew I wasn’t saving her anymore. I was losing myself. My heart broke. I couldn’t even look at her anymore. That vacant, desolated look in her eyes was too much. I broke her more, me. But I had to apologize. She deserved to know how sorry I was. I leaned forward without looking at her I grabbed her up and put her in my lap and dry sobbed for the first time in my existence. I held her while I cried, tearless sobs racking through my body, whispering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over.
She didn’t react. She didn’t speak, she didn’t hug me back. It was like holding a warm rag doll. But I just couldn’t let her go. Then I heard them pull up into the driveway.
This can’t be happening I thought internally. I couldn’t control the sobs I didn’t even want to try. I only knew I couldn’t project my sadness onto Bella because she was already too broken. So I kept it to myself. I couldn’t get control of it internally but I could keep from sending it out.
“Bella company!” Charlie called upstairs. I knew it was time to face the music.
A/N: Well this chapter didn’t go where I wanted it to, so please let me know what you think. I can’t say I was too happy with it. So I promise the next Chapter will be better! After all Emmett’s on his way!
*mynxi looks around to make sure all the fireworks are hidden* I think we’re safe, for now.
R&R people! I’ll try to send out a teaser for the next chapter in return for a review.
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