You'll Be Mine Chapter 1 - Dark Thoughts




Dark Thoughts

***This story is a collaboration between Jasper’s Darlin’ Kathy and Cullen818. We both love Jasper so much that we decided to combine our efforts and see what we could come up with.

***This Jasper will be dark and may offend some, especially if you are Team Edward, so if you don’t like dark, dominant Jasper then please don’t read this one.

***As much as we hate to admit it…we own nothing!

Rated MA

JPOV

I sat out on the porch steps trying to center myself. I wiped the fresh blood from my lips and shook my head back and forth to clear the images of my latest victim from my mind. I had done it again and I wasn’t sure why.

It was another fucking hot night in Texas. The heat didn’t bother me, but I was starting to get into a familiar routine; one that I somehow knew was wrong. Night after night I was searching for something or someone that didn’t exist; not in Texas anyway. The girl I sought had to be of a certain height and build. Her long brown hair needed to flow down her back and when I sunk my teeth into her soft neck she needed to look up at me in fear. I wanted to look into those wide, doe-like brown eyes and claim what I couldn’t take that night last September. I wanted Bella Swan, but not to kill. I wanted what my brother had… I wanted her to be mine.

After that fateful night of Bella’s eighteenth birthday party I left my home, my wife and my family. I didn’t have a choice…Edward would have killed me if I had stayed. I could feel his anger over what I had tried to do to his Bella. At the time, I thought it was her blood that I had wanted, but the more time I spent away from them the more I realized it was her that I wanted. I would never have admitted that because I did love Alice, but she couldn’t forgive my indiscretions anymore; not after I attacked Bella. Her words were constantly echoing in my head…

How could you do that, Jasper? I love her!

I took off that night and headed for the one place I knew I wouldn’t be turned away; Peter and Charlotte. They would support me through anything. I knew by coming here I would have to face my demons and give in. I was a vampire and my natural food source was humans. I had been trying to fool myself for far too long. I was never a Cullen and I couldn’t pretend anymore. Bella pushed me over the edge and I couldn’t come back from that. Or, so I thought.

I had been here for six months trying to find myself. It wasn’t working. I enjoyed the hunt and loved the taste of human blood; the way it made me feel, but something wasn’t right. Each time I fed off of a beautiful human girl a piece of me seemed to go away. It was getting harder and harder to do the right thing. I was slipping into a dark place and the longer I kept this up the harder it was going to be to come back. I was losing my humanity and I didn’t care. I was seeking out a duplicate Bella every night, but I never seemed to be fully satisfied after I took what I needed.

The thrill of the hunt was invigorating. I would go to a bar or a club and find my Bella look alike, and if I didn’t feel the lust I needed coming from her I would manipulate her into wanting me. The rational side of me knew this was wrong. What did these women do to deserve death? But during the hunt I didn’t care…I needed to feed and I wanted to feel Bella. I don’t know when this all started because when I came here she was the furthest thing from my mind, but now she was all I thought about.

“Jasper,” Peter called. “What are you doing out here?”

“I just got back.” I had fed and needed to dispose of the body.

“You know that Char doesn’t like it when you take them back here.”

“I’m sorry, man, but sometimes I need a release before I eat.” I admitted.

“You know you shouldn’t play with your food. You’re not supposed to fuck them before you bite them.” I felt his disgust. He and Charlotte were civilized vampires and they looked at humans as a food source only. They hunted only when necessary and they tried to make it quick and painless. I used to be that way too, but something had changed.

“I know, but it’s just an urge or an impulse. I can’t seem to control it.”

“Well do it somewhere else because Char doesn’t like it and she’s not going to put up with it much longer. She loves you like a brother, but we can’t allow you to expose us. Eventually, the investigation into these missing girls will lead back here.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Maybe it was time for me to go. I wasn’t getting what I needed here.

“Jasper, you’ve been here for months. Maybe it’s time you tell me what happened back in Forks. Where is Alice?”

“I don’t know. She threw me out and I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Where are the rest of them? Why does no one call you?” He asked.

“Because I got tired of pretending to be like them and I screwed up.” I shouted.

“No, you’ve screwed up before and they always forgave you. What was different this time?” He asked and I could feel his curiosity spike. He hadn’t pushed me the whole time I was here.

“I went after Edward’s human girlfriend. She cut her finger and I lunged at her. I wanted her.”

“You wanted her blood. That is natural and the Cullen’s should have understood that. So, is that what triggered your sudden interest in rejoining the vampire race?”

“Well, Alice couldn’t handle it anymore. That was the last straw. She threw me out and told me she didn’t want to live like that anymore.”

I told him about that night…

“You get out!” She yelled and I could feel her pain. She was so disappointed in me.

“Alice, I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” I pleaded.

“You’ll do better? Are you kidding me? How many times are you going to say that to me?”

I swear, I’ll try harder. I didn’t mean to go after Bella. The blood just smelled so good and I …”

“Stop it! How could you do that, Jasper? I love her.”

“You love me, too. Come with me. I need to get away from here and clear my head.”

“You can go by yourself. I don’t want you anymore.” I could feel her honesty. She wasn’t acting on impulse.

“Alice, please.”

“No! I can’t babysit you anymore. I don’t want to.”

“But we belong together.” I pleaded.

“No, I’m a Cullen and after tonight it is clear to me that you will never be one of us. Get out before Edward comes back and changes everything.”

“Changes what? What did you see?”

“Because of your little stunt tonight you will ruin all of our lives if you stay. You’ve put Bella through enough and I’m not letting you be the reason Edward leaves her.”

“You are choosing her happiness over me?” I was angry. “After all we’ve been through, you’re picking a human child over your mate?”

“No. I’m picking my family and their well being. You’ve done enough damage.”

“If I leave it’s over Alice. We are through.” I didn’t want to give her an ultimatum, but what choice did I have. “I won’t come back to you.”

“That’s the best thing you can do for me and it sets our path in motion.”

“You’ve seen the outcome?”

“I know that we can’t be together anymore, so please leave.” I didn’t even feel any sadness coming from her. She wanted me out of her life.

“You’ll regret this. You’re the one who came to me; you’re the one who brought me to this unnatural lifestyle. I’m not the weak link, fuck, I’m the only normal one here.”

“Well, now you’re free to hunt the way you want to. Have a good existence Jasper.”

Where were all the years of love? How could she hurt me like this?

“Fuck you, Alice.” I was so mad at her. “Every time I sink my teeth into a human, I’ll think of you and you can think about how it’s all your fault.”

She looked into my eyes and I finally felt the hurt and anguish. I had gotten to her, but it was too late; I didn’t care.

I turned to walk out of the room. I didn’t care if I ever saw her again. We had been living a lie and it was time to dispel the myth. I was no longer going to deny myself any longer.

“Jasper,” She yelled after me, “You can still make this right. I know you can find a way.”

Peter was studying me and I could feel his concern.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” I asked. I didn’t like to be analyzed.

“You’re in love with Bella.” He said.

“How the hell did you come up with that?”

“That’s why Alice let you go. She saw something in your future that included Bella. She wanted you out of that house and away from her and Edward.”

“No, I attacked Bella because I wanted her blood.” I knew that wasn’t true. I played that scene over and over in my head. I wanted something else.

“No way. If it was truly her blood you wanted Edward would never have been able to stop you.” He shook his head and I could feel his pity. “If you really wanted to feed off of her you would have gone back for her. You couldn’t control that and you know it.”

“You’re wrong. I didn’t want to hurt my brother’s girlfriend or my wife anymore so I left. End of story.”

“Bullshit!” He smiled at his revelation. “You tell me you don’t think about her.”

“I don’t think about her.”

“Liar!”

“Peter, you’re wrong. She cut her finger, the scent was too much for me to handle and I went after her. If I had to do it again I would have done the exact same thing. I’m a vampire and she is a human and I did what came naturally. Luckily for her she had a house full of protectors that night or else she would be one of us.” Oh, shit, that came out too fast.

“One of us? Why would you have turned her? You said you did what came naturally.”

“Leave it alone.” I hissed.

“You wanted to turn her. You wanted to make her yours for eternity. I told you that you’re in love with her. We don’t go around creating vampires unless we want…”

“Shut up! I don’t want Bella. Hell, she’s probably already married to Edward and he has turned her for all I know.”

“No, Edward doesn’t have the balls for that. He would leave her human, but you on the other hand would change her. Is that what you want?”

“I want to drop this subject.” I said.

“Alice said that you could still make this right and that you’d find a way.” He pushed my shoulder. “Yes, I think you’ve been hiding out in Texas for far too long brother. It’s time to go back to Forks and show that little human exactly what you’re made of.”

“I could kill her.” I said. “Surely that’s not what Alice has in mind.” But, in my recent frame of mind that was a chance I might be willing to take. Maybe I didn’t want the substitutes anymore. It was time to find out where my path led and hopefully it took me straight to Bella.

He scoffed, “You can’t kill the woman that you’re in love with. I think you need to get your ass up and get to Forks. You need to find Bella and be with her.”

“What if she doesn’t want me? Why would she want me for that matter? The moment she sees that I have red eyes, she’s going to tell me to go away.” I honestly didn’t think I could handle Bella telling me to leave.

“What are you a pussy? Man the fuck up. You’re over here luring woman away who, might I add, look like Bella and you’re whining about the fact that she might tell you to leave. Stop being a bitch and go after your soul mate.”

He was really starting to piss me off. “Why don’t you shut the fuck up? I’m not whining about her telling me to leave. What the fuck do you mean my soul mate? You can’t be serious?”

He looked at me as if the answer was obvious, which it probably would have been if I took my head out of my ass long enough to give a fuck what he was saying. He smirked, “You just don’t get it do you?”

“Get what Peter? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You and Bella belong together. Whether you want to admit it or not that’s completely up to you, but I’m telling you now that you will not bring anymore women to my house.”

I shrugged, “Fine with me. I was planning on leaving anyway.”

He scowled at me, “You see. That’s what I’m talking about. Quit acting like you don’t give a shit. It’s not the Jasper Whitlock I know.”

I chuckled, “I don’t even know that Jasper anymore.” I stood up and went inside to pack my belongings. I jumped in my car and left without a look back.

I only wish I knew where I was going. I wasn’t about to go face Bella. Peter was full of shit saying that I was in love with her. I just wanted her body right? I just wanted to fuck her. I could keep telling myself that, but I knew it was more than that. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

What if Peter was right? What if I did love her? How would I hide that from Bella or Edward? Hell, how would I hide it from anyone? Why did I even care what they thought? They obviously didn’t care about me. If they did, they would have called.

I drove for hours and ended up in the one place that I thought I would never see again. Forks. I drove straight to Bella’s house; I couldn’t stop myself. I got out and ran across the yard and scaled the side of her house up to her window and I found her there sleeping; she looked so peaceful. I had no right to want such perfection.

I noticed a ring on her finger, but surely if she and Edward were married she wouldn’t be sleeping at her father’s house. I jumped down and ran back to my car. I drove to the Cullen’s home and I could smell him before I even parked.

I stopped on the road and walked into the woods along the house. I couldn’t feel any emotions, so I knew he couldn’t be home. I went back to my car and drove back to Bella’s. I scaled her wall again and slid the window open.

She looked so beautiful; like an angel. She looked like something out of a fairy tale and I was the evil villain ready to pounce. She sighed in her sleep and turned over to face me. I walked to her bed and knelt down; again, I couldn’t stop myself. “Bella.” I whispered her name and she opened her eyes slowly. I was frozen in place.

She stared at me for a moment, “Jasper?” She threw her arms around my neck and held me awfully tight for a human. She had surprised the shit out of me because she was actually happy to see me. I remained frozen until she finally pulled back. She looked into my eyes and gasped, “Oh Jasper, it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

I stared at her, “What are you talking about? Nothing is your fault. I’m the one that couldn’t control my blood lust.”

She scoffed, “Bullshit Jasper. If I hadn’t cut my finger that night, then none of this would have happened. You can blame yourself all you want, but in the end you know deep down it really is my fault.”

She was being serious and it was pissing me off. “I will not let you blame yourself for something that I did. I am a monster, Bella, you don’t know me. You don’t know what I am capable of doing.”

She rolled her eyes, “You’re right, I don’t know you, but I do know that this is not you. The person you are right now is not the real Jasper Whitlock. You’re not a monster.”

I glared, “That is exactly what I am. When are you going to see that? I am a monster Bella. I have been hunting humans. I have been luring them away using my gift. So don’t you sit there and try to tell me that I am not a monster.”

She narrowed her eyes, “Fine, if you’re a monster, I assume you came here to drain me. Is that what you want Jasper? Do you want to finish what you couldn’t all those months ago? Go ahead bite me, drink my blood, but I know it’s not you. I know you’re in there.”

“You don’t know anything. If that’s what I was here to do, it would have been done already. Get up, you’re coming with me.” She just stared at me like I had grown an extra head. “Get up Bella. I want you to come with me.”

“Where?”

“To show you exactly who I am and that you don’t know me at all.”

She shook her head, “No, I’m not going with you. Edward will be here in a little while and if I’m gone he is going to flip.” I could feel her panic setting in.

My eyes flickered to the ring on her left hand, “Are you two married?”

“Not yet. He said he won’t change me until I marry him.”

I could feel that this was something she didn’t want. “Bella, you don’t want to marry him. So why are you going through with it?”

She turned away from me and I could see the tears falling down her cheeks. My angel was so sad. “You don’t understand Jasper. If I don’t marry him, he is going to leave me human and I’ll keep getting older every day.”

“So instead, you let him control you? If you want to be controlled you could at least let him control you in a better way.”

She turned to look at me, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t control me.”

“He does control you. He’s making you marry him by promising you something that he doesn’t want. I know he doesn’t want to make you a vampire and you can’t deny it.”

“You don’t know anything. You left remember. You just left, you didn’t say goodbye to me. Why did you just leave like that?”

I mumbled, “Alice told me to go. She said she was through babysitting me.”

“So you just left without saying anything to me? Jasper I’ve been living with this guilt all this time. I knew that once Edward turned me into a vampire, I’d be able to go looking for you and apologize.”

“I don’t want your apology Bella.” I could feel his anger building. He knew I was here and he was coming fast. I turned to the window just as he jumped through it.

He crouched down, “Jasper, get away from my fiancé.”

I crouched down, “Or what? You’re going to fight me in Bella’s bedroom. Come on Eddie we both know you won’t do anything like that in front of her.”

He stayed in his crouch, “Don’t fuck with me Jasper. I can smell the human blood radiating from your body. Bella go downstairs and wait for me.”

She stayed frozen on the bed staring wide eyed at us. She was afraid. He gritted out between clenched teeth, “Bella go downstairs now.”

I smirked, “Yes Bella, listen to Eddie here. Let him continue to control you. When you’re ready for a real man to dominate you, let me know.”

That pushed Eddie overboard and he lunged for me. We collided and I quickly threw him out the window. I turned to Bella, “I’ll be back my dear.” I didn’t wait for her to respond. I jumped out the window and landed in front of him.

I crouched down again, “What’s the matter? Did I hit a nerve? Did I piss you off? Are you still denying her what she desires most?”

He narrowed his eyes, “You’re sick, you know that, right? I do not control her. I only look out for her best interest.”

I chuckled darkly, “Is that what you’re calling it? Looking out for her. You’re a controlling asshole who doesn’t give a fuck about what she wants or needs.”

“You need to leave and don’t ever come back.”

“Or what? What are you going to do? I’m stronger than you. You want to fight me, well come on. You’re no longer my brother, you’re just another vampire.”

He nodded, “You’re right. I’m not your brother. I haven’t been your brother since the night you tried to kill Bella.”

I didn’t let him say anything else. I lunged for him and pinned him to a tree. I could finish him so easily and then I could make her mine…



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