More Than Words Chapter 10
Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No money is being made from the writing of this story. All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Chapter beta’d by Sparagus, and revised.
I held her tightly for the remainder of the night. The heat from her body warmed me, and I nestled my face into her hair. I inhaled her scent deeply. While I had difficulty distinguishing scents between humans, I quickly memorized her aroma. Her scent was warm, fresh, and strangely comforting to me. I swallowed a small amount of venom. Despite my nature, I knew that I could never hurt her.
I was distracted from my thoughts as day broke. I began to hear movements further into the house and knew they were coming from Charlie. I lay listening to his groaning. I quickly figured that he had had a rather late, liquid-filled night. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
I heard him make his way down the hallway towards Bella’s room, and I was about to hide when he tacked a note to the bedroom door instead. He then headed downstairs and out of the house.
Bella started to stir at around eight. I still had my arm around her middle, her back still cuddled up to my chest. Her tiny curves fit against me with precision. Her head was tucked under my chin, and her shapely bottom fit into the contour of my lower abdomen. It was perfect. She started to stretch and curl into me more fully. Her little ass rubbed against me, and that action was about to cause her an abrupt wake up call. Not long after that, I began to stir, as well.
Not wanting to repeat my serious indiscretion from last night, I exited her bed and sat in her rocking chair. I felt the absence of her warmth immediately, but I had to get a grip on what had happened and how it would change things between Bella and myself, as well as the rest of the family.
I couldn’t help feeling like something had cosmically shifted, despite the fact that I had betrayed my wife and my brother with one action. Vampires do not change easily, but last night, I had felt that shift. It was the second time in my immortal life, and it was practically unheard of.
I pulled my thoughts back to the issue at hand. I knew last night that I had been projecting, but I didn’t have the ability to force the hand of someone’s free will. Bella had wanted it, and I obviously had, too. The guilt was starting to eat at me, and I hoped that Bella would awaken soon, so we could figure this out together.
By nine-thirty, I was starting to get antsy. When her eyes started to flicker, I flew back over to the edge of her bed. I didn’t think I had hurt her, but I needed to be sure before we talked about anything.
“Bella? Are you alright?”
Her eyes focused on mine, and she gave me a warm smile.
“I’m fine. Great, actually.”
She reached out and moved a strand of my hair behind my ear before stretching to her full length.
“We need to talk, sweetheart, about what happened last night.”
She broke eye contact and looked down. I could sense remorse and some small semblance of guilt.
“I guess we should.”
She moved over in the bed and motioned for me to get on the side of her.
“I’m sorry, Jasper. I know I should have stopped you. I’m sorry that you deceived Alice, and I hurt Edward. I just…” her voice faded as she hunched over and started to shake.
“I know. I should have stopped you, could have, but I didn’t. I think I projected on you, Bella. After I walked in on you doing…that and the story you were reading…I’m sorry. I should have controlled myself.”
I reached out to her, but pulled my hand back at the last moment.
“It was as much my fault as it was yours.”
Her eyes found mine once more. There were so many emotions there, just beneath the surface. Relief, guilt and fear were at the forefront, but hidden just under those emotions, was love. It wasn’t the brotherly affection that she had emitted to me in the past. No, it was layered and very complex. She looked away, obviously acknowledging my gift. I knew then.
“This changes things, Bella. I don’t take what we did lightly.”
I rubbed her shoulder, hoping she could feel what I was saying.
“Neither do I, Jasper. I…I care about you...a lot.”
She didn’t need to elaborate. I knew the attraction was there, under the surface. Even at her ill-fated birthday party, I had felt it. Instead of fear, she felt longing. She was slightly turned on by my animalistic side, but I had a mate, and she had…Edward.
It was never meant to be.
“Where do we go from here, darlin’?” I asked, brushing a tear away from her cheek.
She stared off into space for several minutes as her emotions warred within her. Finally she spoke.
“We pretend nothing happened. Alice didn’t see anything, right? If she did she would have called…or shown up, right?”
“Yeah. I think we have the pack patrols to thank for that.”
While Alice’s vision problems were tricky, I was thankful that she didn’t have to see what had transpired last night. I cannot begin to imagine the anguish it would cause her if she had seen…
“You have to go back to Alice. I’ll…marry Edward. We need to forget all about this.”
Her words cut me deeper than any blade could. Could I have misread what she was feeling? I didn’t think it was possible…
“It’s what’s right, Jasper. We let our lust get the better of us last night. I am as guilty as you are. We can't ever speak of this again. We can't ever let it happen again. We go on as we should have, as if none of this happened. Our family--”
She looked so torn, so frail in that moment, and it was then that I knew; Bella was not meant for him. More importantly, he was not meant for her.
“As you wish.”
I grasped her tiny, warm hand in mine and kissed the back of her knuckles. I dressed quickly, and then I stood and made my way to her window. I turned back to look at her.
“I wish you all the best, Bella. Every happiness. Remember that.”
Then I was gone. I could hear her tears as I fled.
I kept monitoring Alice’s visions. Nothing, as of yet, had made the next few weeks become more solid. In fact, in the last few hours her visions of Bella had become more distorted.
I couldn’t give in to Bella’s whims, not yet. I would save that part of ourselves for our wedding night. It could very well be the last night of her life, and I had to prepare for it.
I had the honeymoon planned out to provide her the most comfort possible. We would spend two weeks on Isle Esme, Carlisle and Esme’s private island. The climate was extremely warm. The waters of the ocean would be hot enough to warm my body to a more acceptable temperature to be with her.
We would be isolated, so if things did not go as planned, she could be away from humans until I contacted the family to make arrangements for her ‘death,’ among other things. I ran these thoughts through my head for a few hours, planning down to the smallest detail when I saw it.
Alice’s squeal tore me from my daydreams, and I tuned into her more fully.
Bella was walking down a flower-strewn isle set up on the ground floor of our Fork’s house. Her hair pulled up and away from her face. Her eyes were sparkling, bordering on tears. The dress…God, the dress. She was absolute perfection, a vision in white and all mine.
The vows were read, and I heard the words that would cement our union,“Kiss your bride.”
I was torn from the vision as Alice came around the corner.
“Edward! She’s made a solid decision! The wedding! The…”
“I saw it Alice. She was beautiful…”
“Edward! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” she chastised me and held her hands on her hips before a small giggle escaped her.
“I’d like to think the Fates would give me a reprieve, this one time.”
I smiled at my sister, glad that things seemed to be getting back on track.
“She’ll be by this afternoon…around three. You need to understand, but she’ll forgive you for rejecting her, again. Don’t let that continue into the marriage Edward, or it could cause problems…”
“I won’t, Alice. I won’t.”
I hugged my sister, thankful that someone understood the strain that a human – vampire relationship entailed.
I then heard Jasper tear into the house. He had been gone all night. I felt bad that my emotions had forced him from the family home, but it’s not like he could understand. His mate was a vampire. Mine was a human.
After a past like his, he couldn’t possibly comprehend the pain that loving Bella caused me. All she was to him was a quick meal. Her birthday was proof of that. As much as he apologized, I couldn’t find it within myself to completely forgive him. I told him I did, of course, but I knew he felt the truth.
His thoughts were dark, but I couldn’t make out anything concrete. There were flashes, but nothing I could get a direct read on. It was similar to how he behaved when he slipped.
“Alice? You should check on your husband. I think he may have slipped up again. He’s acting shifty.”
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. She looked troubled.
“I’ve been looking for Bella’s future all night. I didn’t bother to make sure Jazz was okay. Oh, my. He must be so upset.”
The little sprite took off up the stairs, and I decided to listen to some music while waiting for my Bella.
I needed to wash Jasper’s scent off of me. As much as I wanted to stay in his arms forever, I knew that fate had a different path for us.
Maybe if I had been born a hundred and sixty-six years ago…but no, it wasn’t meant to be. It couldn’t be.
As I entered the shower, my thoughts were only on him. There was something about his voice, the timbre when he read to me. It felt right. It felt comforting.
I shook my head free of those thoughts, and I scrubbed my skin harder, trying to wash away the betrayal. One indiscretion, and I would have to live with it the rest of my days. Hopefully, this would be one memory I would completely forget with my change.
After I was sure that his scent was scrubbed from my body, I dressed quickly and made my way to the car. I would head over to the Cullens' and make this right. I would marry Edward and spend eternity atoning for my sin.
For the sake of the family.
I put the car in drive and blocked out the rest of the trip.
I had to block Edward from my thoughts. He already felt some trepidation and some guilt coming from me, but from his conversation with Alice, he attributed it to a slip in our diet. That was good. I could work with that.
I let visions of bloodshed flood my mind: thick, rich and hearty. I pictured it flowing down my throat, filling me. I let the feeling of fullness pour from me and project up to where Edward lay, listening to his classical music.
If I laid it on any thicker, I would risk putting myself into a full-fledged blood rage. If that was what it took to keep him from knowing, I would do it, for her.
Damn it, I would protect her.
“Jazz? Are you okay?”
My little wife peered around the door at me. Looking at her would make this more difficult to pull off, but I had to try. She had stayed by my side for almost fifty years. She had saved me, and had brought me out of the darkness, into a peaceful existence with the Cullens’. Alice had changed me. I couldn’t admit to her what had occurred with Bella. I could not face her with such a breach of loyalty on my conscience.
Loyalty. Bella had requested that we keep our loyalty to the family, to keep the unit whole. Always thinking of others, much to her own detriment, now, our own detriment…
“Yeah, I was…I found myself tempted...by a human. She…”
Alice sat on the floor by my feet and rested her head on my knees. She gazed up at me with her golden eyes that were full of concern…and love.
I patted her hair and curled it around her ear, “She’s alive.”
“Oh, Jazz. I’m so sorry. The past few days must have been terrible for you.”
She grabbed my hand and kissed my palm.
“Jazz? Why are you all wet?”
“I thought jumping in the water might deaden my sense of smell…it worked.”
Gee, Alice, I thought I might try to wash off you sister’s scent, which, I might add, I was completely covered in until an hour ago.
“That’s great. At least we don’t have to worry about a big move right before the wedding! Oh, Jazz! I finally had a vision. Bella will be over later, and Edward and her will straighten it out. The wedding will be so perfect!”
Alice had stood and was busily bouncing around the room, straightening out odds and ends and completely bursting with excitement.
“That’s great, Alice.”
I sent out some excitement towards her, even though it was the farthest emotion from my mind.
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